Character (The Epilogue to Previous Post)

It’s not common that I reread a post after I’ve published it, but I read my previous post one more time, and something stood out to me: If my ex-wife clearly has childhood emotional damage, then shouldn’t I pity her instead of holding her actions against her?

I’ve already thought this through, extensively, back in the second-half of 2020. The answer is a solid no.

Here is a link to the post I’m referring to.

Name me a person on this Earth who doesn’t have some kind of emotional damage. Movies alone, even children’s movies, can emotionally scar a person (just see Watership Down). And in my post Womb/Woman, I mentioned how being born is a traumatizing experience.

So, damage is no excuse for being a shitty person, as my ex-wife is. It’s no excuse because we’ve all gone through something, at some point.

Some people have shitty character even though they’ve had an easy life; just look at any spoiled rich kid. Some people have amazing character even though they live in a dirt-poor, crime-ridden community, like the people I met both times I visited Mexico.

Being afraid is no excuse, either. I myself was terrified beyond words at my ex-wife after we separated. In a different way, I was terrified of her before we separated. The moment she told me that she was going to take my child and my money, I was past terrified – I already thought it was over for me. I was certain she would get everything she wants, simply because she has a vagina.

I spent the better part of a year, knowing in my heart, every single day, that once our case goes to court (because my ex-wife just had to win at every cost), that I am going to lose my daughter and be forced to pay this cunt to do it. I turned out to be wrong, fortunately, but still, I was broken and terrified all the way up until the moment the judge sided with me.

Did I ever take a single extreme measure against my ex-wife to prevent this fate? No.

I never made a single attempt to retaliate, or to ruin her life in return, or to just plain hurt her. I didn’t even think about it, despite the fact I felt scared and doomed. Not to mention, I never told grandiose lies in court, nor did I try to fabricate evidence for some false narrative. In fact, if you listen to the audio from that trial, at one point you hear me OUTRIGHT state that I refuse to say too much about her stepfather because I didn’t want to make him look bad. Actually, it would have been the right thing to do, because I fear my daughter being around the guy literally ever. But I still refused to go that far. Listen to the audio yourself.

Man or woman, WHO THE FUCK CONSCIOUSLY REFUSES TO USE THEIR GREATEST WEAPON IN COURT LIKE THAT????

I didn’t. Because even when I’m terrified, I still remain a good person. That’s my character.

The best anyone’s got to “prove” I am not a good person is that I speak my mind sometimes, which often isn’t very flattering… Cry me a fucking river.

I was abandoned by both my bio-parents, I was virtually neglected by my adoptive parents, I lived in 3 different homes before even getting adopted, I grew up with a brother whose only love in life was picking fights with me, and I was kicked out of the house by my adoptive parents without them ever teaching me how to survive on my own…

If I wanted to use bad experiences as an excuse for being a piece of shit, I’d have more things in my arsenal than my ex-wife has … and I still don’t.

Statistically, it’s a fucking miracle I’ve never been a criminal. Foster kids always turn out to be a mess, especially when they spend a decade or more in the system like I did. Especially when they’re adopted by people who have no idea what they’re doing. But I’ve never been destructive or violent, or a thief, and I’ve never been arrested, or incarcerated. The only time I’ve ever actually brought serious injury to a person, was myself (attempting suicide). The fact that I’ve been through a lot, and still chose, every single minute of my life, to remain a good person, is testament to my character.

So, if someone like me says my ex-wife has no excuse…

Then she has no damned excuse.