Years ago, I first heard a common phrase describing maturity. It goes: “Maturity is wanting to go back in time to kick your own ass.” I fully agree with that phrase. And as such, I thought it’d be fun to talk about things I’ve done in the past that I’d undo if I could.
Before getting into it, I want to make clear the fact that I think making mistakes is part of life. There are a lot of things I wish hadn’t happened, but I still wouldn’t take back, because I appreciate the lesson that came with them. The things I will list in this post are really just things that I feel didn’t need to happen, had I just chosen to be stronger.
If I could go back in time, I’d travel back to the 1990s, just to enjoy those years again. But that’s irrelevant to this post…
The second thing I’d do if I could go back in time is change my years of severe depression. Once upon a time, I placed far, far too much value in how much I thought that people valued me. It also shattered my world when I realized there is no god and I became an atheist. Neither of those things should have brought me so low, but they did.
The third thing I’d go back in time to change is my relationship with Shelby. And by ‘change it,’ I mean make sure it never happened at all. She’s the one who was 16 years older than me. That was almost a complete waste of 2 years of my life. I still can’t think of anything positive that came from that relationship, including lessons. I seriously don’t think I learned anything from that experience. Not to mention, everyone, and I do mean everyone, in my life kept telling me I shouldn’t be with her. My best friend didn’t approve, my best friend’s parents didn’t approve, Lana and Larry didn’t approve, and even my regular friends openly disapproved. In hindsight, I’ve realized that Shelby is the only relationship I’ve had where I didn’t actually love the person, but I emotionally needed them just to not feel alone. I loved Lisa, and I was deepest in love with my ex-wife, but Shelby, who was in-between those two relationships, was not love, it was emotional dependency. And with an immature 40-year-old no less…
The fourth thing I’d go back in time to change is the philosophy I had in regard to my role in relationships. I used to believe in equality in relationships, especially in a financial sense. I expected my girl to make just as much money, I expected her to pay half the bills, I expected her to support both of us if I was jobless just like I would support her if she was jobless. All of these scenarios happened at least once, in at least one of my relationships, including my marriage. In all my relationships, I believed we were equals in just about everything. Never again. I don’t believe in equality anymore. I’ve rejected social liberalism. I’ve come to understand that the right way for a man and a woman to coexist is not through equality, but through balance. The man has a masculine role, the woman has a feminine role, and neither of them should ever relinquish that role no matter how long the relationship lasts. Yes, exceptions exist. Some people are true (emphasis on “true”) exceptions, and they make it work, but it’s rare. In some marriages, the man stays home and the woman goes out and works. The problem is: People think that because exceptions exist, therefore everyone can be an exception. No, not remotely true. I certainly was never in any exceptional circumstance, including my marriage. Every woman I’ve been with has been best geared to be a caretaker. They’ve all had jobs, because that’s just the day and age we live in now, but they were all happiest doing feminine tasks, even if they didn’t seem to realize it. So, if I could go back in time, I would NOT believe it’s okay for me to put any financial burden on my woman. It’s a man’s job to provide. Likewise, however, it’s a woman’s job to make her man’s life easier so that he can more effectively provide (like not having him worry about preparing meals, or keeping the house orderly, etc.). Everyone should reject equality and instead embrace balance, which is far more practical and realistic.
The fifth thing I’d go back in time to change is probably my greatest all-time regret. I’d go back in time and not be so insecure with my wife. You’ll recall that Lisa, my first love, cheated on me right before dumping me for one of the guys she cheated on me with. That damage took many years to finally heal from. But I really should never have let my damage even be relevant to the situation. Fact is, if my wife cheated on me, I should have just left; but in the meantime, I shouldn’t have worried about it, because worrying about it wouldn’t have made it any less likely to happen. I was too immature to understand this, and therefore, it damaged our marriage. Granted, my wife contributed her own damage to the marriage as well, and she could have chosen to be a real woman and be a real wife. We both had things to work on, but still, my insecurity didn’t help. And … that’s pretty much all, folks. That’s pretty much all I would change about my own past decisions/behaviors.