Respect cannot be requested and it cannot be demanded. Respect can only be earned.
Anyone remember the scene from Game of Thrones when Tywin Lannister said…
This is absolutely true, and is directly applicable to respect in general. Basically, if you want respect, then shut up about it, because as soon as you open your mouth and say, “I want respect!” or say, “I deserve respect!” you greatly diminish how much respect you actually deserve.
Because anyone who actually deserves respect never has a need to talk about it.
I’ve heard several people, all of them women, feminists mostly, in videos or written in blog posts, who have said “I deserve respect.” One has directly said it to me, which is (you guessed it) my ex-wife, and very recently. I really can’t help but notice only women say this, and only women who are not real women.
I am stunned beyond words that my ex-wife believes she deserves respect. I have to wonder if she means “I deserve to be treated like a person,” in which case that’s not a matter of respect, it’s a matter of decency and dignity, which I do give her, despite the fact I’ve despised her for most of 2 years now. The things I’m about to describe should serve as a reliable template for whether someone actually deserves respect or not, so don’t think of this as solely applying to my ex-wife in general…
My ex-wife tried to rob her daughter of her father. She has gone crying to the government because of an email I sent her, and when she read that email out loud in court, she was (practically) laughed out of the courtroom. Our female judge told my ex-wife that in her 14 years as a judge, my words to my ex-wife have been pretty polite compared to what she’s seen and heard.
Just go back and read everything I’ve ever described about my ex-wife’s actions. Put it all together and really ask yourself, “Does someone like this deserve any respect whatsoever?”
Yet, not only does she want me to respect her, she also believes she actually deserves it.
During the very ‘conversation’ in which my ex-wife said she deserves respect, she also admitted that certain family members of hers do not respect her, because she is “the black sheep,” and her siblings get treated with more respect than she does. I call this kind of situation a “Taylor Swift Situation,” or TSS for short. What exactly is a TSS?
Well, as we all know, Taylor Swift is quite famous for writing songs about how she has tons of relationships, and all of them crash and burn, and yet it clearly never occurs to Taylor Swift that she herself is the problem, instead of the guys she dates. So, that’s what I mean. My ex-wife is, herself, a Taylor Swift Situation, in the sense that she hardly is respected by, well, anyone, including her own tribal family, but it never occurs to her that she is the problem, not the people around her.
Her family and friends only blindly side with her in everything because human beings are tribal animals. But even tribalism cannot create blind respect. Do most of my ex’s family actually respect her? Far from it. They give love and attention, but I always sensed they don’t harbor feelings of respect for her. It was my ex-wife’s uncle who made me realize she’s immature, because when she and I we were married, it never occurred to me that her problem is immaturity and being childish. So, her family loves her, but hardly any of them truly respect her, I’d bet.
Like a chihuahua, the people who bark the loudest have the most pathetic bite. My ex-wife HAS to demand respect, because she knows damn well she doesn’t deserve any.
People who truly deserve respect don’t have to demand it. They don’t even care if they have it or not.
She does it all to herself, and she’s too in love with herself to ever make a real change. She believes that being respectable means never showing humility, and never changing your mind. In this place called reality, humility and learning are actually the behaviors of people who DO deserve respect.
If someone is an adult, but still mentally a child, they will never change, and thus never deserve respect.