After writing my previous post, Communication in Relationships, my brain kept running at 100mph about the subject. So, consider this a part two. In fact, this might be an even more important read than the previous one.
Refusing to communicate, and to ask questions, is exactly the same as living in your own world. The truth doesn’t matter to people who live in their own deluded fantasy world like my ex-wife does.
Communication in a relationship means nothing if you don’t care to listen in the first place. That’s the point I was trying to get at in the previous post. I told my ex-wife at the beginning of our relationship that I don’t believe in rules, and asked that if she wanted to talk to other boys or hang out with them to please just tell me.” I made damn-sure to be clear when I said, “Just tell me.” (As in, I wanted to be clear that I wasn’t going to try to stop her from having male friends.)
And she didn’t even last two weeks before going behind my back to visit her ex-boyfriend, and only owned-up to it after I got a feeling I couldn’t shake, and asked her two or three times if there’s anything she wants to tell me…
That would be an example of how, from the very beginning of our relationship, I tried to communicate clearly with her, and she just didn’t pay attention. So, it’s really no wonder that she kept doing this, throughout our marriage, and after our marriage, up to this very day:
I communicate, and then she only pays attention if she wants to, while never bothering to communicate herself.
I could name many more examples, but I’ll only cover one more. Another one from the beginning of our relationship.
She told me she wanted to wait before being in another relationship, and I have admitted I forgot she said that, but what she conveniently forgets is how exactly our relationship started in the first place. Read part one of our story here. The night we started dating, I simply asked to talk to her, and then I asked how she felt about me (because I still had no idea), she said she was falling in love with me, and then I plainly, simply asked if she wanted to be together, to which she answered yes. There was no pressure. There was no pushing my boundaries. There was no attempt at physically seducing her or something like that. No, plain and simple, I only wanted to know how she felt, then she told me, then I asked the big question.
But the way she has portrayed the start of our relationship was: “I was this helpless little girl who was pressured into a relationship I didn’t want.” And it’s unfathomable how false that narrative is. But she keeps saying it anyway because victimhood is the ultimate manipulation tool.
My point with that second example is: I communicated how I felt about her and I asked if she would communicate what was going on in her mind as well. And if she had told me she wasn’t interested, or that she’d rather wait longer to start being with me, I would have respected that. (She did pause for one or two seconds before she gave her answer, but in the end, what matters is that she said yes, when she was under no pressure to do so. I was very calm and gentle the entire time we were talking that night.)
From day one, literally day one, she has only paid attention to what she wants to pay attention to. From day one, literally day one, she only remembers what she wants to remember. Most of the time, she “remembers” things that didn’t happen at all. In fact, it all might be even worse. She might just perceive reality, entirely, as she wants to. I know women are feeling creatures, not thinking creatures, but in her case it’s a whole other level.
My ex-wife’s stepfamily was, and is, no different. They might even be worse than she is in this regard. Just like with my ex-wife herself, there is no amount of discussion and conversation that could make any of those people change their mind about anything. It’s not worth elaborating on.
This subject directly relates to this very blog as well. I know she reads this blog, and I know the guy(s) she’s fucking also read my blog. And based on the comments I’ve received, it’s plain as day that they only see what they want to see …, which completely defeats the purpose of opening any post in the first place. May as well just read a post’s title then imagine the rest.
For example, in my post What Made Me Right-Wing, I went over the definitions of what left-wing politics are, and what right-wing politics are, and I provided links for further reading in case anyone wanted to be more educated on the subject. I explained how I used to be left-wing (which was implied in the title anyway), and how that all changed when reality basically forced me to see things as they are and not as I wanted to see them.
How did my ex-wife’s current boy toy respond to that? He responded with: “What a psycho!”
Maybe he’s partially illiterate. All I know for sure is, the guy didn’t read a thing I wrote, he only saw what he wanted to see, which is ironically something actual psychos do. Seeing only what you want to see is one of the defining characteristics of stupidity and/or psychosis.
And that’s what always – since the very beginning – has been the obstacle between my ex-wife and I. The problem has always been that she sees only what she wants to see; she is physically incapable of seeing anything for what it truly is.
While I try my best to understand as much as I can, about as many things as I can, she spends her time believing whatever she wants and only allowing people into her life who go along with it. A child, who always thinks she’s right and does the adult-equivalent of “Lalalala! I can’t hear you!” whenever confronted with something she doesn’t like.
The ball has always been in her court, since day one. She has always guided the ship, since day one. We became a couple because she said yes. We got divorced because that’s what she wanted. And we still don’t get along, to this very day, because she just plain doesn’t want to. (Click on this post here. Everything, and I do mean everything, that she has done and keeps doing, stems from what I explain in this post.) She doesn’t want to communicate, she doesn’t want to work together … at any given moment, her only priority is wondering how she can profit from the current situation.
Relating to what I said in part one (the previous post), the reason the biggest red flag in a relationship is poor communication is because it means the person doesn’t want to understand you better. They are content to think as they wish. No matter what your personal issues are as a couple, or individually, only communication makes a happy and peaceful coexistence possible. I’ve watched shows and YouTube videos about people still married to someone in prison, sometimes for life, and even they make it work. Any relationship can work. Whether or not it works is ALWAYS decided by whether or not you both love each other and choose to communicate always.
I don’t remember what I was watching (YouTube or TV), but I remember watching this widow talk about why she still wore her wedding ring. She said, “My husband may be gone from this world, but he’s still my husband. Death doesn’t change that.”
Again, and for the last time, I will say: Any relationship can work if you BOTH choose to make it work. Period.