A Child Raising A Child

When I finished writing the complete story of my marriage, it felt like closure that I never even knew I needed. I had never, previously, explained in detail what I was thinking, and trying to do, throughout my marriage, in that much detail. Part of everything I expressed is how I know my ex-wife’s character will never improve. A lot of what I said are things I haven’t told her, and never will, because she doesn’t learn, or grow in maturity. Plus, I know she keeps tabs on my blog, interpreting everything I say on here as how she wants to interpret it. This is precisely what inspired me to write this addendum: She only sees what she wants to see, instead of the obvious truth.

At the end of the story I wrote about my marriage, I articulated what’s wrong with Brooke by saying, “She is a child raising a child.”

Now, I don’t want to elaborate on this as a means of venting, but rather as a means of lamenting. Truly, I am deeply saddened that I chose Brooke to be the mother of my child. I’ve known several girls who are ‘the big 3’ (intelligent, beautiful, and principled), but I didn’t fall in love with any of them, at least not like I did with Brooke. The closest I got was with Lisa, my first love, but I never desired to marry her or pictured her being the mother of my child.

So, allow me to lament Brooke, my most regrettable decision in life…

First and definitely-foremost:

I talk about this subject now, and I talk about this subject in general, because all of this involves my daughter. Brooke’s attitude toward our daughter’s childhood has always been: “Eh, it doesn’t matter.” My attitude has always been the polar opposite. Whenever I bring up how Brooke’s own childhood, which also included going back and forth between her parents, she shrugs it off by saying there’s no way that affected her. She admits she was a sad child, but thinks her family situation had nothing to do with it…

She believes parents don’t need to be together. Yes, she actually believes that….

Every psychologist, and everyone with a functioning brain, will strongly disagree with her. It gets worse, too. Her actions have also proven she doesn’t believe our daughter even needs her father, either. Again, everyone with expertise, and everyone who isn’t stupid, strongly believes the opposite of her position.

It does matter. It absolutely matters. And THIS is why I take this subject so damn seriously. This is why I write about this subject so much now, and probably will for a long while. There’s a girl I’m interested in right now, and whether or not she and I become a couple, I will still write about the countless lessons I’ve learned from the mother of my daughter. I will never stop caring. I will never stop feeling Brooke’s actions are unfathomably selfish and self-serving and damaging to our daughter’s entire future.

Anyone who thinks this subject shouldn’t matter to me, or doesn’t matter in general, is a fool. Anyone who thinks I only write about this simply because I “haven’t gotten over my ex” is a moron. Only someone who either doesn’t have a child, or doesn’t give a shit about their child, would think I only write about this because of not moving on. Which brings me to my next point…

Brooke’s current boy toy, named Zeeeek, follows my blog regularly. Pretty damn regularly. Why does he do this? Well, for the sake of honesty, I have to admit I can’t read his mind, but it seems obvious to me he only does it for childish reasons. He does it simply to look for things to scoff at, to make himself feel better. It may sound like a complete waste of time, and it is, but the problem goes much deeper than that. The problem is that Brooke invests so much of her time and emotional energy in a guy like this… A guy who is a child, like herself.

Since Brooke is my daughter’s mother, it greatly, greatly disturbs me that this ‘man’ she is fucking once wrote me a message saying, “Haha you can’t get laaaaid!” Forget the fact it was profoundly ignorant. The reason that’s disturbing is because it shows me how highly he values sex itself, as if getting laid is some kind of achievement. I know this is the case with guys who struggle getting laid at all, but that’s beside the point. Here is the point: Brooke is a mother, currently half-raising a child of her own, who is devoting so much of her time and emotional energy being with a guy who is still lightyears from actually being a man.

If Brooke truly gave a shit about her daughter’s future, one of the things she’d stop doing is wasting time like this. She shouldn’t even want this guy as a friend, let alone someone more than a friend. She should want to be with a real man, who wants a family, who has things to teach, who has the capability to protect and provide for a family, who can accept the fact our daughter is not his own child, and who can be a good, decent stepfather.

I’ve paid attention to this guy, since before Brooke and I even split. He has strong opinions, but none of his own. He doesn’t think for himself, he doesn’t have anything unique or original to contribute to society or even to Brooke herself. Does he challenge Brooke to be a better person? Does he challenge her to rethink anything she believes? Of course not, he’s a simp with only one goal in mind. And even though he has Brooke in every way he wants to have her, he still pays attention to what I’m saying on the internet on a literally-daily basis, even though he and I have nothing to do with each other. But since he’s a guy that looks like a girl (I mean, he thinks he’s one of those new genders the Left invented anyway), Brooke can’t get enough of him, even since before she left me.

And whether Brooke knows it or not, whether she accepts it or not, this guy only cares about her as long as she gives him something in return, like spreading her legs.

She’s wasting her time having fun. Making the best possible future for her daughter is not a priority, getting along with her daughter’s father is not a priority… Nothing of true importance is a priority to her. She does the bare minimum of making sure our daughter gets fed, goes to the doctor, and gets a bath once in a while. And I just think: “Why?? Why is she like this?”

Because she’s a child, and always will be.

“Young adult” novels, cartoons, Funko Pop dolls, cartoons, and even more cartoons….

I think back to July – early August 2020, when I started having realizations about what I misunderstood about Brooke (or, what I thought I misunderstood), and I tried to express these realizations to her, only for Brooke to spit in my face and become worse. Then, from mid-October to December, I was nothing but nice to her once again, and the same thing happened.

She claimed, to her family and to the government, that she can’t handle things I say to her, but as soon as I go a long while being nothing but kind, forgiving, generous, and patient with her, she flipped the script and became even more of a cunt than she was before. (I still can’t wait for an excuse to show the world the time she spent 2 hours doing nothing but telling me I’m worthless. Something I never came close to doing to her.)

Then, when I point out, directly to Brooke, that she clearly wants to be enemies, she calls that “bullshit.” Anyone with a brain would find my conclusion perfectly reasonable. She sure never tried to tell me what she wants instead of being enemies. Sometime in December 2020, I gave up on Brooke completely, and I told her, “Okay, if you want to be enemies, then wish granted. I’m done trying.”

My ex-wife, who is mentally a child, decided to hook up with a guy who is mentally a child. Not at all surprising, but nonetheless disappointing. Does she not remember she is raising a child? Why is she wasting time? More importantly, why is she with a guy who’s not remotely father material when she currently has a child to raise?

Her choice of partner reflects on her maturity more than she realizes. Maybe that’s why she’s trying to keep him a secret. Hell, the guy even tried to keep himself a secret from me … while giving everything away. It’s almost as if he knows he’s not long-term material, or stepfather material… It’s almost as if Brooke knows that too…

He thinks that because she opened her legs for him that his life has somehow been fulfilled…

I fell in love with Brooke and married her because I didn’t see what was wrong with her. Because love is blind. I used to think she’s intelligent, I used to think she had a moral center. Truth be told, I used to think she’s so amazing that I couldn’t deserve her in a thousand years.

I remember the moment I started realizing she is cursed with permanent immaturity: It was when I was talking to her uncle (the one we lived with), and he outright told me that Brooke is not mature and never has been. That opened Pandora’s Box for me. And then this realization was solidified for me when Brooke and I had an argument on the night of Christmas Eve 2018, when she outright said, in a whiny childish voice, “I have never done ANYTHING that I have to apologize for!” (A hugely immature thing to say, even if it were true. The sheer arrogance it takes for someone to believe they are THAT flawless………..)

That was when I realized what’s wrong with her. Something I never would have seen if we had stayed together. But then again, we would only have stayed together if she were mature.

She thinks humility is weakness, she thinks doing the right thing is something other people have to earn, she thinks she’s never wrong, she thinks never does wrong…

I tried. No one has any idea how hard I tried. All the way through December 2020, I tried. I really, really tried. After we separated, I wanted to believe I was wrong about her. There were a couple times when I truly thought I was wrong about her, and I took all the blame, I apologized profusely, I was patient, I ignored her own shitty behavior… On Thanksgiving Day 2020, I even gave her a card saying I’m thankful she’s the mother of our daughter, and I meant it, at the time.

She never changed. She never got better. She never wanted our relationship to improve, she never thought she herself needed to improve. She lives for herself, and only herself. There’s a long, long list of things a true mother would do, or at least try to do, and Brooke doesn’t grasp what even half the things on that list even are.

So, to conclude this post, I don’t have a good note to leave it on. Like I said at the beginning, this post wasn’t meant to be anything more than lamenting. Love is blind, and I loved and adored Brooke so much, I looked past just how childish she always has been and always will be. This is who I chose to be the mother of my daughter. Lisa is actually very intelligent. She wanted to make the world a better place and was even talking about living in an impoverished country to do it. I would rather my relationship with Lisa had the same fate, but that she ended up the mother of my daughter instead of Brooke.