One of the worst things about being myself is … I’m far more often right than I am wrong. That’s not a brag, it’s a lament. Being right most times turns out to be a fucking curse. Because the truth is most often times something you really fucking wish it wasn’t.
I chose to trust my wife when I was married to her. My insecurities, stemming from personal immaturity, caused some conflict that didn’t need to happen. But for the most part, I did trust her. If she disagreed/disagrees, I can understand that, but I truly did, for the most part trust her.
But more, and more, and more, I just … keep … learning … what an immoral, soulless person she is. I honestly don’t know how to cope with it. I really don’t. If she wasn’t my daughter’s mother, I would have left her behind in faded memory. But I’m cursed with her for the next 15 years. To a small extent, I’m stuck with her for the rest of my life.
You may be wondering what that idiotic word in the title means. I’m getting to that. But trust me, it requires some build-up for the readers of my blog who are detached from my personal life…
My ex-wife tells me nothing, absolutely nothing, about anything that affects our daughter, unless the law requires that she does so. But even then, she tries to see how long she can get away with violating what’s on our divorce judgment. For example, she is required to tell me when she moves, and when she moved out of her parents’ house, she didn’t inform me for several weeks. She only told me after she filed a restraining order (under asinine pretenses), and when we went to court over the restraining order, she had to confess that she moved.
To you, my audience, I cannot even begin to tell you how difficult it is to live this life. To be forced to coexist with a soulless fiend who happens to be the mother of your child. She lies, she conceals, she manipulates through emotion and victimhood… She does whatever the hell she wants, and she does it all shamelessly. I cannot tell you how difficult it is knowing every single day that I need to find things out myself because my ex is too full of herself to be honest.
She is far more concerned about springing traps on me, than she is about doing what is right by her daughter. For example, I know she reads my blog, and the only reason she reads this blog is to find things to use against me. I have no doubt she will particularly focus on this post here.
I’ll never apologize for doing what a father should do, when his child’s mother is too selfish to think she’s beholden to any standards, rules, or any other person for that matter. She only obeys the rules of our divorce judgement because she’s afraid of the consequences of not obeying it.
This is where I talk about this fucking Zeke.
When you have personal standards, and when you choose to be a law-abiding citizen, you have limited means for finding the truth about what your ex is doing with and around your child. Sometimes, she’s stupid enough to give you clues directly to your face, because she thinks you won’t notice.
She shows up with our daughter with 2 men I’ve never met while wearing a shirt with no back… She moves in with one of those guys, delaying telling me this for as long as she can get away with, and I’ve still never met the guy.
Those things are shitty, but they aren’t directly tied to Zeke. I just wanted to further emphasize the shit I’ve put up with for 2 years. Here are the things that are tied to Zeke…
She shows up wearing ridiculous gothic cloaks. She shows up wearing gothic pants with chains. She shows up with her hair dyed black, and then she starts showing up with blonde hair, and then later shows up with even lighter blonde hair. Is she turning into a typical liberal who thinks they’re being edgy? Well, that might be part of it. But what is going on, really? She’s trying to be like this guy named Zeke.
Zeke changes his hair color like that. He wears ridiculous clothing like that. And of course he’s a leftist.
Zeke’s real name is Zack. Because he’s a libtard, he changed it to Zeke, probably make himself less “cis.” This guy has been in my ex-wife’s head since she and I got married. Well, technically, it started 2 months after we got married, when she started working at Red Robin. She couldn’t shut up about the guy. I very consciously never got on her case about this guy, because I wanted to see where it’d go. I knew, immediately, that this guy would be the test of her spousal faithfulness (meaning whether she’d cheat on me or not).
She checked his Facebook, and she couldn’t stop bringing him up in conversations with me. I could see it in her eyes, and see it in her facial expressions: She had feelings for this guy. She talked about no one else, not family members, not friends, not celebrities, not ANYBODY, the way she talked about this guy. And I am man enough to admit I did something immature and unjustifiable involving this guy. I went on my wife’s Facebook and removed him from her friends list. That was something I’d never done in a relationship before. Somehow, just somehow, I knew this guy would be the end of our marriage. And so, I overreacted; not to her, but toward him, by removing him from her social media. She had found a guy, just 2 months after we got married, who she developed feelings for even faster than I had developed feelings for her. I couldn’t lose her right after we got married, and so I did something immature… I admit it.
But God-fucking-damn do I wish she had just admitted how she felt for the guy BEFORE she finally got pregnant a few months later. I wish she had just ended our marriage right there and then before our daughter was conceived.
I don’t know how I even kept my head together while married to her. She went to see her ex-boyfriend behind my back during our first month together, and then she developed feelings for another guy just two months after our wedding. Seriously, how did I keep my head together? I knew what my wife was, and I stayed loyal to her anyway. If I hadn’t been weak, I wouldn’t have done the weak thing by removing him from her Facebook, I would have just ended the marriage right then myself. I mean, I could already tell she wasn’t going to ever be supportive of the business I was trying to start, I knew I couldn’t trust her, I knew she didn’t even know herself…….
I spent my whole marriage scared of her.
The night she left me was because of him. She decided to find him on Facebook and message him right in front of me. She still didn’t know, yet, that I was the one who deleted him. But that was irrelevant, because she messaged him simply because she wanted to talk to him. She wanted to ‘apologize’ for not being friendly enough to him before, because apparently having a connection already wasn’t enough of a connection…..? And my wife knew how fragile my emotions were when it came to the subject of cheating in a relationship. She was talking to him directly in front of me, and she knew it would sting me.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked her. “You know how this makes me feel. Do you not care about how it makes me feel?”
She looked up from her phone, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, “No, I guess I DON’T care anymore!” And then she went back to typing on her phone. That was when I kicked her chair (the infamous chair incident). She tells the world I kicked her chair because she approached me, asking me to ‘be more respectful’ and that I kicked her chair because somehow that request made me angry?? What an egregious lie. She knows exactly what she was doing that night.
After our separation, she and I sometimes did video-chat so that our daughter could see the other parent. But she blocked me as soon as she and Zeke fully reconnected (I don’t know why it took a few months for them to finally just fully reconnect already. Probably because she still thought he was the one who deleted her.) Regardless, she blocked me so that I couldn’t see that they had just connected on social media. It was seriously that same day.
She knows the truth about Zeke. She knows this guy had no business coming into our marriage, but she couldn’t resist. She couldn’t even resist when I (unjustifiably) deleted him from her Facebook and she thought he was the one who did it. Even then, she couldn’t keep herself away from him.
And she wonders why I sensed something about this guy just 2 months after getting married? Again, deleting him from her Facebook was not okay, but seriously, she was making her feelings for this guy obvious just a few months after we got married… It’s not justifiable, but can it at least make sense?
But forget most of everything I’ve said so far. What matters is now. Zeke is here to stay. Do I know this guy at all? No. The ex refuses to even acknowledge his existence, thinking I somehow forgot. She refuses to tell me a damn thing about him. She thought I wouldn’t notice he only blows up my blog on certain days? She thought I wouldn’t make a connection between the comments he’s left on my blog with his writing style on his social media?
I hate, absolutely hate, pretending I don’t know things. I keep silent about so damn much, and it eats me up inside. I’m really only writing this post because this is my version of a volcano erupting. Too much pressure built up.
Do I appreciate that this guy couldn’t resist trying to get close to my wife just a few months after she and I got married? Do I appreciate that she messaged him the night she left me in order to push me to react rashly so that she had an excuse to leave me? Do I appreciate that my ex-wife has concealed him completely in the 2 years since we separated and she’s allowing this guy to be part of her life, meaning he’s also part of our daughter’s?
Even if he never showed his face to our daughter, her mother is copying his lifestyle. His childish, ridiculous lifestyle. She’s continuing to not grow up, because of this fuck. She trying to make her hair like an anime character, at the age of 24, while she is raising a child. She is keeping secrets she shouldn’t.
I’ve already mentioned several times on this blog how she left her first boyfriend to be with me… Then, there’s Zeke. And for all I know, she’s probably fucked her roommate in her spare time as well. Her roommate is Korean, after all (her favorite ethnicity), and he’s straight, and single the last I heard.
Unfaithful, careless, selfish, childish, and a slut.
THIS is who I chose to marry. And she holds my reaction to all this shit against me as if to prove I’m the bad guy? I’m a good person who fell in love with a piece of shit. That’s more than enough to make any good person angry and filled with regret and shame. THIS is what I gave my heart to.
In court, it’s been more than proven and demonstrated that my ex-wife is a liar, she literally never admits to mistakes, she literally never apologizes for anything, and she thinks she is our daughter’s only parent and thus the only parent that matters.
Bottom line is:
Yes, I hate her.
Yes, I spend a lot of time on this blog writing about the lessons I’ve learned from her.
Yes, I very, very, very, very, very much do not want anyone else to make the same mistakes I’ve made with this manipulative selfish pile of……………….