An Open Letter to the Cousin

So, there is someone in my ex-wife’s family named Sally, who sent me a little message the night before I am posting this. I wasn’t originally going to respond to it because I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction, until I realized that I have a tremendous amount of satisfaction to gain from responding.

What I will derive enjoyment from explaining to Sally is simple: I won the battle, and more importantly, I won the argument, a long time ago.

I have to admit I do not know as fact that this message was from Sally. I am mostly convinced it was she, but it very well could have been one of the ex-wife’s female friends or her boy toy. Well, I think it was Sally, because it sounded like her, and she’s done this before.

Here is Sally’s message to me, after she skimmed through several of my blog posts in which I talked about the lessons I learned from dealing with my ex-wife:

You are such a psychopath LMAO, no wonder your wife left you after you controlled her when she was practically still a child, manipulated her into having your baby, and providing for you because you refused to get a job. What a pathetic excuse for a person. You’re just like your brother. Grow up.

Dear Sally,

In the words of my greatest idol, Margaret Thatcher, “If they attack one personally, it means they have not a single argument left.”

And oh does your message demonstrate this. Any random person on the street could tell this is an emotionally-charged attack in an attempt to wound me emotionally. It didn’t work, Sally. (Honestly, it amused me.) Your message screams of desperation, and I will break down, piece by piece, just how asinine everything you said was.

You are such a psychopath LMAO

If you are trying to make a point, especially in an attempt to appear better than me, I’d recommend not using “LMAO.” Just saying. I would also refrain from using a word like ‘psychopath’ that you clearly don’t know the meaning or science of. And anyone who’s known me longer than five minutes knows full well that being criminally impulsive, or mentally unstable, or incapable of feeling emotion, are nowhere near any of my defining attributes.

So, this was a childish thing to say, but I’m sure the rest of your message will come across more mature…

no wonder your wife left you after you controlled her when she was practically still a child

Firstly, I never controlled her in the slightest. Secondly, she was 20 years old. This is you admitting that, in your mind, she was (and possibly still is) a helpless child, even though she was a full-grown 20-year-old adult. I’d call that an insult.

There is so much more I have to say about this, but I will save the best for the end.

manipulated her into having your baby

I literally just asked her. If a simple question is manipulation in your mind, you’re even more childish than I thought. It was two weeks into dating, and I simply asked her if she’d be willing to cease taking birth control because I wanted to share a child with her. That’s it. Then, she told me about how she wouldn’t have dared to get pregnant by her first boyfriend Dylan, but she was willing to get pregnant with me. Sally, I know you forever want to think of Brooke as a little baby who can’t make her own decisions, but… You know what, I’m just gonna save this for the end as well.

 providing for you because you refused to get a job

Before I answer this …, you do realize I’ve been supporting myself and my daughter without freeloading or relying on a roommate, for nearly 2 years straight, right? And before I knew Brooke, I was doing that for the previous 6 years as well. All of that is more than Brooke could ever say.

Anyway, I am truly astonished Brooke has said this to you. Shows her desperation as well. I was jobless for 4 months of our relationship. We were together for 26 months. Seriously, if Brooke told you I was jobless for most, or even half the time we were together, then she’s an even more desperate liar than I previously thought.

Not to mention, Sally, at the end of those 4 jobless months, I got a job through your relatives. So, now you are insulting Paul and Michelle as well. I guess their small business doesn’t count as a job, in your mind.

Also not to mention, when Brooke was pregnant and became less and less capable of doing very much herself, which especially included working a job, I was the one who took care of her. I applaud her for technically still working up until a week before she gave birth, but still, she had to switch to a job that didn’t require her to move much at all, and hardly paid. And on top of THAT, there is the fact that she couldn’t work a job, at all, for a while after she did give birth. Point is, there were many months when I was the one buying all the groceries, paying all of the rent, buying all of the gas, etc.

Really, I am so blown away Brooke ever said this to you, or to anyone. Not only is it negligibly true at best, but it’s also incredibly hypocritical to use against me at all.

What a pathetic excuse for a person.

This coming from a pathetic excuse for a woman. Your mental development is clearly stuck in your high school years. I know several women, real women, who could give you a good lesson on how you ought to behave.

You’re just like your brother. Grow up.

This was easily the most desperate part of your entire message. Any dimwit can tell the difference between someone like my brother, who’s been in and out of prison since he was a minor, versus someone like me, who’s never been arrested, never had anything on his record whatsoever, and never even got in trouble at school as a child. But even putting aside the obvious night-and-day difference between my brother and I, there is also the fact that you would have done a WHOLE lot more by now if you actually believed your own words here. You would not sit on the sidelines and leave a childish comment on my blog once a year if you truly thought I was anything remotely similar to my brother.

You tell me to grow up. No, Sally, it’s you who needs to grow up.

You are one of those girls who antagonizes everyone you don’t like, simply because you don’t like them. You wrote this message after skimming through a dozen of my blog posts, and of all the posts to leave a comment on, it was the post in which I explain why I became a right-winger. That tells me you can’t even handle the fact you and I disagree politically. My expressing switching sides of the political aisle is what sent you over the edge?? That, Sally, is utterly pathetic.

You and Brooke lost, Sally. I won. And I won simply because of whom I truly am, which is nothing like the monster you wish I was. Not only have I won the 2 times Brooke has dragged me to court, but I have also simply won the argument as a whole. And I won the argument over 2 years ago. All Brooke has are emotions. Just like you, which you once again demonstrated with this childish message. All you have are emotions emotions emotions! It’s all Brooke has. Logic is not on her side, evidence is not on her side. I still won, in court, TWICE, during a time period when the system is rigged against fathers. That’s how little of an argument Brooke has for any of the shit she has pulled.

Riddle me this, Sally: If I was just using Brooke for her womb, then why did I marry her? She never spoke a single word about dreaming of getting married, and she most certainly did not make it a requirement before she stopped taking birth control. So, if I was just using her for her womb, and marriage was not essential to that ‘plan,’ then why would I do it? Especially during a time when men have absolutely nothing to gain from getting married, and in fact have far more to lose from getting married…

Riddle me this, Sally: In exactly what way did I ‘control’ my wife? Did I seal the front door shut so that she couldn’t leave? Did I siphon her gas tank empty so that she couldn’t go anywhere? Did I throw out her electronic devices so that she could only use mine? Did I tell her to get rid of her phone and to delete her online profiles so that nobody could talk to her unless they go through me?

I have actually heard Brooke make the claim that I tried to make sure she was alone and only had me, and I’d bet big bucks you believe that as well, because of course you would. If that were true, why did I tag along whenever her relatives had family event after family event after family event? If that were true, why did I insist (yes, insist) that we accept Michelle’s invitation to live with them FOR A WHOLE YEAR when Brooke really did not want to live with them?

No, Sally, I loved my wife with all my heart. Never, in all my life had I loved anyone as much as I loved her, until our daughter was born. My mistakes as a husband stem from immaturity, not from being a monster. I did plenty of things wrong – things I still regret having done. Both you and she want to paint me as a monster, but you can’t. All you’ve got is emotions. Neither of you can think, you can only feel.

I loved Brooke so goddamn much that I couldn’t bring myself to replace her for 2 years. And I have despised her for a large portion of that time. Even hatred itself couldn’t bring me to replace her, for 2 whole years.

You are the piece of shit, Sally. You are the one who wants Brooke to be and remain a victim, because you want to keep rescuing her. You don’t want Brooke to ever grow up, or ever grow strong, because that would mean she wouldn’t need you as much anymore. You would become less valuable in her life. Your entire fucked-up family is the exact same way. You all gave Brooke shit for being with Dylan, even though he was much nicer and a much less passionate person than I am. No, the problem was never Dylan’s personality, and the problem was never my own personality. The problem you’ve always had with me, Sally, is the fact that I was with Brooke in the first place. Her best friend hated me for the same reason, and she actually harassed Brooke for months when she realized Brooke was not going to move back to the area anytime soon. You ALL want Brooke to be weak, because when she is weak and broken, she comes to you and relies on you and gives you attention.

For the last 2 years, I have only tried to make Brooke stop being immature and selfish, and allow our family to be whole again. THAT is what I want. But she never did a single, goddamn thing to help undo what happened between us. Because she suffers from solipsism and always will. As do you, Sally. Neither of you care about what’s right, you both only care about what benefits you.

And do not forget what you did right before she and I got married. Harassing her, right in front of her fiancé, all because she didn’t want her abusive stepfather to walk her down the aisle at our wedding. You also had the audacity that night to say that Jeff deserved to give her away because he … gave her a scrap car. It always seemed as if you, and the rest of that family, believe that shitty behavior can be excused with an occasional gift or favor.

Brooke was the one who taught ME how despicable all of you are. I didn’t just up and choose to dislike you all one day because I felt like it. I still have a text from Brooke in which she told me Jeff used to throw objects at her. (One of the many things I NEVER did to my wife.) I believed what she told me about you all, because I saw it all for myself. How you harassed her right in front of me, how her best friend harassed her for not living closer to her, how Jeff frequently yelled at his own mother on multiple occasions right in front of me…

I treated Brooke like my equal during our marriage. I did not treat her like a helpless puppy, nor did I treat her like a slave. She claimed all of YOU people, her own family, treated her like a slave, and I still have that text from her. Yes, during the 4 months I was jobless, I didn’t think it was a big deal that she was covering our expenses. And in the exact same way, I didn’t want her to think it was a big deal when I was supporting her for several months when she was pregnant and after she gave birth. Because I believed that being equals was the very essence of being partners.

I’ll bet you forgot I tried to start a business with her, which she completely flaked on. I’ll bet you forgot I wrote a novel, and a couple other shorter books, while Brooke and I were together, because I foolishly believed my books could be an additional source of income.

Okay, I’m not going to bother going on and on explaining how retarded your message was and how retarded your overall perspective of me as a person is. I’ll just leave it at this:

You are the one who’s fucked up, not me. Everything you said was false, asinine, and juvenile. Throw your fits if you must, gossip if you must, but I know who and what I am, and logic and evidence is on my side. I have cold, hard facts, while all you’ve got is mental gymnastics to make a fiction me seem real.

Go ahead and write more childish messages, anonymously like the coward you are, and fill it to the brim with LOL’s and LMAO’s. The more you do it, Sally, the more you prove that you – all of you – lost the argument a long time ago.

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