Sometimes, one very simple truth is all you need to explain every last thing you see in a person.
Recently, my ex-wife said something to me that I will always remember. She said, “You’ve given me all the answers I’ve ever needed on your personality and who you are.”
She’s technically right, but the unfortunate thing is how much her perception of reality is warped. That’s what I will explain in this post. At the end of this post, I will explain why I deeply pity my ex-wife.
The night my ex-wife said those words (the quote I gave at the beginning), I wrote her an open letter in an effort to help her understand where my actions have come from the past 2 years in the simplest possible way. The explanation actually is very simple: She has made absolutely no effort to make things better between us. Not one action in 2 years to make anything better. Not one.
No pleading for peace, no kind gestures, no attempts to sit down and ask me questions so that she better understands me… Nothing. Nothing at all.
And yet, in her mind, all the problems between us are mine and mine alone. In her mind, it’s all because I’m a bad person.
In my open letter, I challenged her to give examples of basic, basic actions she could have tried, even just once, that would have made things better. She will fail this challenge, mostly because she will only read that open letter to gather ammunition to use against me in the future, but also because even if she read it out of genuine interest, she will only mentally process what her emotions tell her to see in the letter.
What will her emotions tell her to see? All she will see is: “Ex-husband bad! Me victim!”
Because she is ruled by her emotions. She does not think, she only feels. I wish I had seen and understood this while we were together.
Why else would she have panic attacks (if that was ever really true) when I have never been a threat to her? Why else would she file restraining orders against me multiple times (IF she ever truly felt threatened by me)?
We’ve gone to court twice, and she lost both times. She’s filed a restraining order against me twice, and both times it was shut down. In her mind, the only possible explanation is that nobody understands her. THAT is being ruled by emotions. That is having little to no rationality in general.
People do irrational things when they are overly emotional. That is why I do not want women ruling the world, and it’s the reason women never have. For hundreds of thousands of years, our species understood how women operate. My next post will be on that very subject. Everyone has emotions, and it is emotions that make us human, but emotions need to be balanced. No one who is ruled by theirs should be able to make big decisions that affect other people.
I tell my emotions what to do, not the other way around. Decades from now, my ex-wife will understand that.
So, you may be thinking, “Okay, so if you know she only thinks with her emotions, why don’t you take that approach instead of trying to use logic with her all the time?” The answer is: I most certainly have tried the emotional approach (when my own emotions reflected that approach, at the time), and it didn’t work whatsoever. My ex-wife has proven that when I become nicer and gentler, she leaps on the opportunity to be cruel. I’m guessing it’s because when she sees me being kind and gentle, she thinks I’m vulnerable and tries to exploit that vulnerability.
Basically, logic is all I’ve got. Logic is all I have in dealing with someone who has none.
Yes, I have more than shown who I am to this ‘woman.’ I have shown that I am someone who is capable of saying sorry. I am someone who can introspect. I am someone who remains real at all times, because trust me, if I were capable of being fake, things would look much, much different. I am someone who says what they mean, at all times.
I wonder if she thinks I have been fake… She outright said so on one occasion, but I wonder if she thinks it’s been more than that. And this is the problem with people who are all emotion and no rationality. For example, she can’t understand why I have thought of her as a parasite for over 2 years now, AND for a short while I was concerned if she was making enough money to survive. Because logically, just because you’re a parasite, that doesn’t mean you are doing well. Most of the parasites I’ve known in life were dirt poor, so it’s certainly possible. But since my ex-wife is all emotion and no rationality, she thinks I was being fake when I showed concern about her income.
At least I can show concern. At least I have a soul.
I still think our separation was mostly my fault. I still think she was a rare gem and that I ruined that. Just because I see her as a soulless leech now, that doesn’t mean I’ve reneged on my introspection.
So yes, I have shown her all she needs to know about me. She already knows the company I keep, from Lana and Larry, to Mitch and his family, to even two wonderful women I’ve met at work who have given me even more hope that real women exist. My ex-wife has seen all she needs to see from me, but because she is all emotion and no rationality, she will only see me how her emotions tell her to see me:
Ex-husband bad! Me victim!
Before I end, as a side note, I just have to express my pity for her. There’s plenty of anger, but there is also great pity. The reason I pity my ex-wife is because I can predict she will die miserable, and even possibly alone.
She is just like my mother, in the sense that she has no sense of right and wrong when it comes to her own actions, and everything wrong with her life is always someone else’s fault. I’ve tried to get her to see this, in subtle ways. The closest she can ever, possibly, get to admitting any of her own flaws is by saying things such as, “It my mistake that I didn’t FIRE MY LAWYER!” Or, she’ll say, “I was wrong to have not seen what YOU did wrong!”
She’s just always too immature and too full of herself to ever see her mistakes as simply her mistakes.
In fact, that goes beyond immaturity. That’s self-importance and narcissism. Only narcissists fail to ever admit they have made mistakes or have personality flaws in general, or try to improve themselves through introspection.
Sometimes the truth is, yes, other people can do things wrong, but she will never, literally never, see her own flaws as hers alone. And decades from now, once her older relatives are no longer alive to help her survive or give her company, her selfishness will be all she has left. If she has any regrets in life when she’s in her 60s, she will still think they were all someone else’s fault. Just like my mother.
I have said it many times: If she ever changes and improves, my opinion of her will improve alongside. Until then, there is virtually nothing at all to respect about her.