Finding “The One”

I don’t believe in destiny, I don’t believe in spirituality in a literal sense, I don’t believe in karma, I don’t believe psychics are real, I don’t believe in clairvoyance, and I don’t believe in fortune telling. But do I believe there is a such thing as “the one”?

Absolutely yes.

How is that possible, you’re probably wondering? Well, this is an example of where the greatest wisdom is found in the most unusual places.

Recently, I was thinking about, of all things, the world of Pokémon. I was thinking about how I’m still an avid fan of Pokémon, and always will be, and yet I haven’t played any new games since I was 13, which is more than half a lifetime ago. I thought about how it’s strange that I would still love Pokémon and yet not bother to indulge in any new content for over 16 years.

That is the power of contentment. It’s like having a full stomach that stays full forever.

I adore Pokemon Gold and Silver, and Ruby and Sapphire. I suppose FireRed and LeafGreen were okay, and honestly, I always found the original games, Red and Blue, to be mediocre. But my soul found satisfaction with Gold/Silver and Ruby/Sapphire. After those releases I didn’t feel any need to replace them or to add upon them. I’ve only played a minimal amount of the remakes of Gold/Silver even though they were pretty faithful to the originals.

No, I don’t want the Gold/Silver remakes, I don’t want the Ruby/Sapphire remakes, I want actual Gold/Silver and actual Ruby/Sapphire exactly as they are. No replacements, no additions, no upgrades.

THAT is the essence of finding “the one.” When it comes to finding “the one,” it is not limited to romance; not by a long shot.

Take another example. My favorite band, Nightwish. It’s nothing like any of the other music I listened to growing up, or even now. I don’t listen to any bands that make similar music. In fact, I hardly ever listen to other bands in general. Why? Because Nightwish is my “one.” I feel no need to ever replace them. They will always be my favorite. I will always buy their newest albums. If they ever stop producing new albums, I’ll be okay with that, because I still have what they already made, and I’ll have it for the rest of my life. Musically (emphasis on the word ‘musically’), I consider myself to be married to Nightwish, and all other music I casually listen to are just friends.

This is why I believe there is a such thing as finding “the one” romantically. Because in just about every facet of life, we can always find something that fills and satisfies us more than anything else of its kind, or genre, ever could.

You can have tons and tons of sex, you can have tons and tons of relationships, but if you are lucky enough to find “the one,” you will lose interest in sex or relationships for the rest of your life. Maybe you’ll indulge in meaningless, empty sex for a while because you feel lonely, but I think even loneliness cannot consume you after you have found “the one.”

I haven’t been in a relationship or had sex since my ex-wife. Because the person she used to be was my “one.” The person she used to be taught me “the one” is a real thing in the first place. It was after meeting her, yes just meeting her, that I came to understand everything I’m explaining in this post. It’s no coincidence that I wanted to marry her so soon after starting to date her. It’s no coincidence that I wanted to make a child with her, when I didn’t want that with my previous relationships, including my first.

But as I explained in this post, the person my heart melted for is dead, and when I see my ex-wife, I see her as the zombified corpse of the person I gave my heart to. When I think about replacing her, I think it can’t even be possible. I’m completely disinterested in another relationship, and I’m even less interested in casual sex. Not unless it’s with that priceless treasure I was lucky to have for 2 years. Only her. No one else.

Imagine if I lost all my Nightwish albums, and I was somehow unable to listen to their music ever again. That’s what it’s like to lose your “one.” The fear I lived with when we were together, the fear that made we weak and made me think she’d abandon me, was like if my Nightwish music could choose to suddenly vanish from my life forever. Obviously, music doesn’t work like people. I’m thankful for that. It was my colossal love for my wife that made me so afraid of her.

I’m thankful I had any time with her at all. I even understood that back then. Shortly after we’d started dating, I wrote on this very blog that ‘even if our relationship only lasts a week, I will still say she was the love of my life and I will still be forever grateful for that one week I had with her.’ Well, I got to have 2 years with the love of my life. It was more than I could have ever hoped for.

And I still believe and understand all of this even after seeing the wretched person she has become. So, yes, without a doubt, there is a such thing as “the one.” If you haven’t found yours yet, don’t give up. Once you find them, you’ll start to believe in “the one” just as I started to … the very moment I first laid eyes on her.