There will be two parts to this. I’m sure you figured, given the title.
Since I occasionally watch videos on this general subject, YouTube’s algorithm sometimes finds it fitting to point me to videos on this subject by channels I’ve never seen. This happened the night I wrote this post. It was a video about a guy who got with a single mother, and they had a great time together, until it became apparent to him that she only wanted him for his money, and the guy took off before she found a way to force him to pay child support for kids that aren’t even his.
This got me thinking: I should just outline every reason single mothers should be avoided at all costs, even if you meet one who’s genuinely a good person. And additionally, I should outline why women, you really gotta stay with the father of your kids. In either situation, the odds that things are going to turn out well for everybody is slim. It’s a true gamble, and the odds are against everyone involved. Y’all got better odds playing the lottery.
The Problem with Single Mothers
Single mothers are inherently, inevitably in a position that makes dating them a nightmare. First and foremost, they are raising another guy’s kid(s). That in itself means the single mother has walking, breathing reminders with her, at nearly all times, that she used to sleep with other men. She is used goods. That generally doesn’t bother women so much (when a man is used goods), but it does bother men. We are just hardwired that way. We just don’t like seeing another man’s face in the kids we raise. Having another man’s child around also, inevitably, means that she still interacts with the father(s) to at least some extent. It also means that child is going to be split between you and their real father, for life. (Their real father will always be their real father, not you.)
In a more immediate sense, there is another large problem with dating single mothers. You will never be her highest priority.
Now, you may read that thinking, “Of course, that’s how it should be, even if I was her kid(s) real father.” Yes, but it goes deeper than that. Her child will be her highest priority even when it comes to you. As in … keeping you around. If she’s a single mother, then that means she’s had failed relationships before, she’s not as young as she used to be, and she most likely won’t want to waste time. You might be a great guy, a wonderful guy, but if you don’t make enough money, you are still likely going to end up on the chopping block. If her kid doesn’t like or love you soon enough, you will probably get the boot. If you have ANY personal problems that could interfere in your relationship, that would affect things even if the kids weren’t there, the mother is even more likely to kick you to the curb, because the kids are there. She’s already stressed caring for her kids, she’s already dealt with failed relationships, and she’s not getting any younger.
In other words, when you hook up with a single mother, you aren’t just getting the mother, you are getting a package. It will never just be you and her, it will be you and her and kids who aren’t yours. You can love her kids, and they can love you, but everyone, including their mother, will always be split, mentally, to some degree, simply because the kids aren’t yours.
Speaking of mental affects on kids, I wrote a post in 2019 talking about stepparents, and how I’ve never once – not once – seen a child with stepparents grow up without any emotional damage. So, on top of everything I’ve said so far, if you get with a single mother, you need to also be prepared for her kids to have some issues down the road, or already.
I deleted that post, but I’ll republish it and link it here.
Seriously, the older I get, the more and more and more I realize how vital it is for families to stay together at all costs. And by ‘families’ I mean the nuclear family model. Life experience has taught me how stable nuclear families are supreme to all other types of households.
The Problem with Being a Single Mother
Single mothers, this section is for you.
The explanation for this section is, well, everything I’ve written above. For all you single mothers out there, you are in a situation where you are most likely going to lose. Sometimes it works out, but most times it doesn’t. Keep in mind everything I listed above. Any man you come across will have a lot of pressure on his shoulders, and if you’re not the walking embodiment of his dream girl, and you both are a match made in heaven, then chances are very good he won’t be able to handle the pressure.
And keep in mind, for every relationship a person gets in, it is more likely to fail than the previous one. This is true for men and women both, but it’s even worse for women.
And even if you beat the odds as a couple, chances are almost guaranteed that the kids won’t turn out as well as they could have otherwise, like I mentioned before. I think of my ex-wife, who was one of 4 kids in her main home growing up, but she was the only half-sibling. To make a long story short, she grew up being treated by her stepfather like she was the outcast. Not at all surprising, because the guy doesn’t seem to treat females very well in general, and men generally don’t like walking reminders that their girl used to be with another man … so, that wasn’t a pretty combo in her case.
There are far more reasons dating single mothers, and being a single mother, is a precarious situation. I might make a part two for this at another time.
Just… Ladies, for fuck sake, find a way to make it work with the father of your kid(s). It’s easier on literally everybody.
(Not applicable to mothers whose husbands died of illness or war, of course.)