True love endures no matter what that person does, if they change, or if they’re gone.
There is one thing my ex-wife’s stepfamily has done right that I greatly, greatly admire. But I’ll get to that later in the post.
I regularly look through everything I have recorded between my ex-wife and I, from text messages to audio recordings, to make sure I remember things correctly. Recently, one of the things I looked at was a short conversation we had in July. In that conversation, she said this: “I have made peace with what came to be between us.” That was July 10th of this year.
Now, compare that to what she said November 8, 2018, which was three days after she left me. I concluded our conversation the previous night by saying I love her. Then, the next morning, I asked her, “Do you prefer I stop saying that completely?”
She replied with, “I would, because i cant say it back.”
So, piece this together. Just a couple days after leaving me, she outright says she stopped loving me. But then, a year-and-a-half later, she implies that it took a long time for her to come to terms with what happened between us.
I lean toward believing the Nov. 8 text. I lean toward believing she stopped loving me immediately after leaving me. I have always believed that, because it explains every single thing she’s done since leaving me. Only someone who quickly, swiftly, rapidly stopped loving me can do all the things she’s done.
Which brings me to the subject of this post: If someone truly loves another, is it possible to stop loving them so quickly?
I have had to accept what this makes me realize. I have had to accept that my ex-wife never loved me. She just liked me a lot.
Love, true love, is when you still care deeply about someone even if you have every reason not to.
Everybody in my personal life knows that I still love my ex-wife and I always will. Not one person has told me to stop, and not one person has asked me why I still love her. Why haven’t they? I don’t know. Maybe, just maybe, most people already understand how true love works. And maybe my ex-wife is one of the few people on Earth who doesn’t.
I never wanted to marry my first love. I never wanted to marry my second. I was with my first love on-and-off for 6 years, and I was with my second love for 2 years. I never wanted to marry either of them. My first love and I first became a ‘couple’ when I was 13 years old and she was 12. So, if I was the reckless type, if I was the impulsive type, if I was the ‘going overboard’ type, then why didn’t I want to marry my first love or my second?
My ex-wife doesn’t know how unique she was, in my eyes. I wanted to marry her as soon as possible. I always wanted a daughter, and I wanted my ex-wife to be the mother of my daughter. No other girl came close to that.
Now, in late-2020, do I have every reason to stop loving my ex-wife? Absolutely. She has done some selfish and evil things, without regret. She truly believes she can do no wrong. The most recent example: She went to the government again to take even more of my money each month.
And yet I still love her.
That’s because when people truly, truly love someone, you love their soul. You don’t love them for the size of their boobs, you don’t love them for how good they are in bed, you don’t love them for how good they cook, you don’t love them for their youth and beauty. My ex-wife was the worst sex I’ve ever had, but I still loved her far more than the others. Despite being terrible in bed, I still wanted to sleep with her all the damn time.
Love is transcendent. It endures even when their boobs become wrinkly and saggy, when they don’t even want to have sex anymore, when they’re too sick to cook for you, and especially when they are old and no longer beautiful.
My ex-wife never truly loved me because she never knew my soul. She only liked me, and I’m still not sure what she found attractive about me. Because ‘like’ never goes deeper than skin-deep. She probably liked that I gave her attention, which is why it was so easy to separate from me. She no longer desired my attention.
Just a guess.
She’ll never find a man who loves her as truly and deeply as I still do. Oh well. She never wanted that in the first place, obviously.
My regular readers know full-well what I think of her stepfamily – the people who raised her the most. Let’s just say those people make it obvious where my ex-wife’s immaturity comes from. Never-ending drama, never-ending gossip, never-ending conflict with those people. But there is one thing they do right, and it shocks the hell out of me:
They don’t abandon their spouses.
I’ve seen my ex-wife’s step-grandparents Marcia and Rod have ugly fights. Same with her aunt and uncle. Same with pretty much all of them. But despite all of that, these people don’t abandon their spouses. I was talking to Marcia one day, shortly after my ex-wife left me, and at one point she said, “You know, sometimes I really wanna spit in Rod’s eye, but I don’t. I still love him.” And I admire that. I really do. I admire that because even when their marriages clearly aren’t working out, and these people clearly don’t even try to solve their issues with each other, they STILL stay together for life.
As much as I am repulsed by how my ex-wife’s mother just stood by and watched her husband verbally and physically abuse her daughter (yes, I think throwing objects at someone is physical abuse)… And even though her mother has openly said, to me and to her, that she wonders if it was a mistake to marry that asshole…
She didn’t abandon him.
I both hate and love that at the same time. She should have left, in my opinion, without a doubt, but for whatever reason, she didn’t. My ex-wife’s mother seemed to understand that abandoning your spouse is not an option. Too bad she didn’t know that with my ex-wife’s real father. I guess we all learn from mistakes only after making them.
So, with that entire bunch… Despite everything wrong with how they treat each other, and despite their utter failure to impart wisdom upon my ex-wife when she was growing up, I still admire them all for never abandoning each other.
One of the things my ex-wife has claimed is that I wanted her to abandon her family. That just came to show how very, very little she understood me as a person. I never wanted that for one second. In fact, I still often talk to Carol, her mother’s mother, and I told this to Carol. I said, “I never want anybody to turn against those they love.” And Carol replied by saying she knows that, and that that’s part of the reason she still talks to me.
I never want people to lose their loved ones. All I want is for shitty behavior to stop.
We love who we love. That can never change. Love is blind. And we all have room for improvement. The ones who need the most improvement are the ones who believe they don’t need to improve at all.