Recently, I wrote a post called The Right to be Angry, and there was an important point I almost completely forgot to address: Evil cannot be reasoned with. This was meant to be just a paragraph in that post, but since I forgot it, I’ll make a whole post of it.
Life is not like the movies, where all you have to do to make someone see the light is just tell them how much damage they caused. Evil people don’t react to that with, “Oh god, what have I done?”
They react with no reaction at all. Apathy.
When I finally told my audience the story of what my ex-wife tried to do when we got divorced, I talked in some length about the guy she dumped me for. Months before I posted that, I told one or two of her relatives about this guy, and how he was one of her main motivations for leaving me, just as she did to her first boyfriend with me. Well, she recently finally confirmed all I had observed, documented, and speculated. And she tried to brush him off as a friend. I asked, “Does [our daughter] know him?” And she mumbled a non-response, saying, “No, he’s a friend.”
Just can’t stop lying, that one…
I am going somewhere with this, just let me explain one more thing. To my great surprise, never in my life have I held ill feelings toward the guys who I’m replaced with. Hell, not even the guy my first love cheated on me with, who was one of my good buddies before all that happened, because he technically never did anything wrong. With my ex-wife, when she dumped her then-boyfriend to be with me, I reached out to him with kindness, because he was so confused as to why she did that. I had him call me when she was at work, and he basically just asked why. I didn’t know the answers myself, but I was still friendly toward him. I was talking to a guy who used to sleep with the girl I was now (at the time) with, and I didn’t mind.
This guy, who finally showed his face to me recently, who is candidate to being my baby girl’s first stepfather in a predictably long series of future stepfathers, is not someone I hate … he’s someone I pity. I’ve never pitied a guy who replaced me, but I pity him because my ex-wife is another league worse than my previous exes. When I saw him sitting in the car, I was more tempted than I could ever describe to walk over to his window and say, “RUN!” Because it’s guaranteed she will do to him what she did to me, and the guy before me.
It’s what she does.
“Run, before she lures you into a position where she can take what’s important to you!”
I want to tell this guy about her pathological lying, her colossal daddy issues, her disinclination to even share her stuff yet still expects things to be shared with her, etc. My god I pity him if he marries her or gets her pregnant. At least one of those is inevitable…
My ex knows what she is. Our judge was honest with her (gently honest), I of course have been honest with her… She knows, but doesn’t care. That’s what point I want to emphasize in this post. No amount of telling her what she is will change what she is.
I used to be extremely sensitive. Ask anyone who’s known me for 10+ years. My level of sensitivity was absurdly high. I remember crying myself to sleep when friends hung out and I wasn’t invited. Yes, that sensitive. But I’m almost 30 now, and in hindsight, I understand why I was so sensitive. I was sensitive because I saw myself as a failure. If I wasn’t invited, it’s because I was a terrible friend. If a girl rejected me (which, to my shock, has always been rare), it’s because I failed to be good enough for her. Funny story: When I was 22, I messaged my first girlfriend on Facebook and told her how sorry I was for not being good enough for her.
Some people are sensitive because they want things, and can’t handle failing to acquire those things, like attention, or infinite affection. Some people, usually immature girls, feign sensitivity to get guys to show them attention, affection, and devotion.
Point is, I’m clearly not sensitive anymore, and it’s because I had an epiphany one day: I do my best, I have good intentions, and I always make damn sure I never damage anyone’s life as mine has been. I have imperfections, everyone has imperfections… Why should it affect me so much if people expect perfection from me when they can’t offer the same?
I can’t understand how some people aren’t the same way: trying their best. Nobody can understanding anything outside of their own mind and experiences, but still, to me it’s unfathomable how some people just aren’t the same. In my post talking about the reprehensible person my ex-wife is, toward the end I said I wondered how people like her can live with themselves… I still wonder that. I wouldn’t be able to carry on my day knowing I did what she tried to do … especially if I had succeeded.
Good people are held back even when logic tells them to strike. I mentioned that in my story, too, and how the fact I never fought back at full force proved, to me, that I truly am a good person.
And that’s the note I want to end this post on. Good people don’t create situations between each other that requires fighting in the first place. I didn’t walk away from my wife and file for divorce, even after I realized how immature and selfish she is. I didn’t do anything extreme during our divorce, such as becoming violent, trying to run away with my daughter, or worse. When she left me, for at least 3 months I tried to reason with her, and it didn’t even begin to work.
Remember, a large part of me wanted out of the marriage already, too. I still told her it’s best we stay together, for the sake of our baby. I still tried to explain that this will damage our daughter for life. Still, my ex-wife seized nearly every opportunity to shout at me, try to give me orders, and eventually, every time I tried to calmly discuss something with her, she snapped, “Talk to my lawyer!” She was never going to change her mind, she was never going to consider what was best for our daughter. She was dead-set on limiting my time with my daughter to 2 days every 14 days (at best), she was dead-set on taking my money, she was dead-set on being in full command of our daughter’s upbringing.
Have I ever told you that she once called me our daughter’s babysitter? Clearly, she thought, and thinks, of herself as so important, she’s the only parent our daughter has. This is why it was no surprise to our judge that I eventually stopped tolerating her shitty behavior.
You can’t reason with evil. It only be resisted.