Parenting. Anyone can tell you it’s difficult, or will be …, but it’s starting to drive me mad how most people fail to understand the number-one thing about parenting. The fact of highest, utmost, paramount priority:
It’s not about you, it’s about your child!
It doesn’t matter if your child is your first or fifth offspring, 5 or 50 years old, biological or adopted, the favorite or least-favorite. Your child is, and always will be, your child. If you can’t accept that, they are better off without you.
Everyone, and I mean ‘everyone’ literally, needs at least one person on Earth they can go to for help and guidance at any time. Only can death justifiably get in the way of a parent neglecting their duty. And yes, parenting is a duty, not just a mere job.
Everyone needs someone they can always fall back on for a helping hand, for wisdom, for guidance, for financial support, for someone to simply listen, or for damn near any need. Parents should be one’s last resort, but a resort nonetheless! The whole function of being a parent is to be that source of unconditional support. If that was not a parent’s purpose, what would be the point of parenting?
If you refuse to be there for your child for stupid, petty reasons, such as they “don’t like you very much” … First of all, that in itself is probably the number-one reason why: You’re a selfish fuck who has no business being a parent. If you refuse to be there for your child because it would be inconvenient, or because it would take up too much of your time, or your money … you have no business being a parent. Why didn’t you leave your child to someone more suited for parenting before you became a curse upon your child?
The whole job description of being a parent is teaching and providing for your child so that they, eventually, can live without you. Because one day you are going to die, and they won’t have you anymore. As I’ve said already, death is the only time it’s okay to neglect your parental duties.
If I only had $5 to spare, and my daughter came to me asking me for a few dollars to buy food, I wouldn’t hesitate to give her my $5 (and then probably feel like a total failure for her and I both being utterly helpless). I’d give the only $5 I have because when you’re a parent, it’s not about you! It doesn’t matter how much time or money it costs you: your child is your greatest priority. If you do your job correctly, your child will need your help less and less as time goes on, emotionally, financially, physically, etc.
Even if you’re an absolutely selfish person, it is STILL a good idea to be a proper parent to your child. Why? Because you might grow old someday, and that’s when you’re really going to want them to sacrifice their time and money to take care of you! When you’re too old to take care of yourself, and you live in a home for seniors, do you think you’re going to be visited by your friends very often? How many friends do you even think you’ll have at that age? Your own parents won’t be around anymore, and your siblings will be in the same condition if they’re still alive.
Maybe you don’t live in a home for seniors and you still live at home but you’re too old to do very much. People don’t need to be in a senior facility to need their kids’ company. You might need them before you even get old, because maybe you suffer an accident, or get a debilitating disease.
If your child grew up hearing nothing but, “You’re on your own,” or any variant of that … they are going to have the exact same attitude toward you when you inevitably need them! So, my point is, even if you’re absolutely self-absorbed and care nothing for anyone else, including your child, someday you will still need your child in almost all the same ways they once needed you. Your body will degrade, your mind will degrade. You will desperately hope they have an immense amount of patience with you, especially since you’re not growing up like they were, you are only going to get physically and mentally worse.
Even putting all that aside, the fact remains that you, as a parent, have an obligation to your child. All of them. It’s not about you. Fuck your ego, fuck your feelings, fuck your comfortability, fuck your convenience, and also fuck your financial situation. Even with the leech in my neck sucking blood out of me for the past year and for many years to come, also known as my ex-wife, when my daughter is with me I still put all of her expenses before my own. I’m financially suffering for it, but so damn what?
Parents, you are to be there for your child even if it literally kills you! When I say there are no excuses for neglecting your duties, I completely mean there are no excuses. Even if they hate you so much they can’t stand the sight of you. Even if they have a long history of stealing from you, or thievery in general. Even if [insert any conceivable bad experience here]…, it doesn’t matter!
And speaking of having no excuse, that fact is multitudes truer if your child actually tries to do well but they find themselves having bad luck. If they don’t have any history of reprehensible behavior, they’re not fat and lazy bums, etc., and you STILL come up with excuses not to be there for them … you’re a disgrace. You’re a curse on them.
What do I mean by ‘curse’? Well, as I said earlier, everyone alive needs people they can rely on unconditionally. Nobody can love you like a parent. So, to not have that … to not have that necessity which applies to all of us … your child will go on for years and years needing your help, being turned down for selfish and stupid reasons, and then their life never improves, and the cycle never ends until they die. That’s being a curse upon your child.
Only a parent can be all the things a parent should be.