Nice people are far more likely to lie, backstab, and have hidden agendas. I am far more suspicious of nice people than any other personality type or behavior. Far more.
I know humans are social animals, but I just cannot grasp why anybody puts so much stock into people being “nice.” I really don’t. Perhaps as children, when our minds are only partially developed and we compensate for that with instinct, and instinct says ‘nice’ is means the person is safe, but otherwise … why? Hasn’t every adult noticed that people can be nice and still be the worst shit imaginable?
I’m not talking about civility here. There’s a difference between just getting along with someone, and being a nice person.
Ted Bundy was nice. Bill Cosby was nice. In fact, think of pretty much anyone guilty of something heinous, and I bet you could say they’re a nice person apart from what they committed.
I only believe in being nice to the extent of getting along with people in the moment. (For all the stupid people out there, no, that does not mean I am purposefully unkind, ever. It means I just simply don’t go out of my way to be nice when it’s not required in the moment.) I prefer being real, I prefer being honest. If you’re too fragile to hear truth, or hear what someone is really thinking, then that’s your problem. In fact, I despise people who are purposefully mean or behave like assholes because they can get away with it. I never do those things, despite what my haters want to think. Plain and simple: I’m real. No mask. If you can’t handle being around someone who doesn’t wear a mask … your problem.
In part, this relates to why I believe women are each other’s worst enemies, because they’re “nice” to each other all the time insincerely. “Oh my god, I love your shirt! Where’d you get it???” Yeah … how often do they really mean that? (Not saying they’re always backstabbing, just insincere more often than not. More often than not, they overdo being nice to each other to keep each other’s guards down, which could be for countless scheming reasons.)
Separate from the fact that being nice is usually indicative of ill intent is the fact that being nice just … doesn’t mean anything. I had a friend who was a very nice guy. Not aggressive, always laughing and smiling, and also pretty much never lied or had ‘negative opinions’ in general. But I knew him for years, and I was one of the very few people who knew his niceness meant nothing. He often, and I mean often, talked about girls in purely objectifying ways. Sometimes, I couldn’t get him to shut up about it. I already hate it enough when guys talk about who has a nice ass, or who needs a better face to go with their nice rack. I’m sure girls talk this way, too, but I still hate it. And this friend of mine just wouldn’t stop. He had the worst impulse control in this regard. But… He was a very nice guy. Clearly didn’t keep him from objectifying women (more than any other guy I’ve ever known). It didn’t keep him from disregarding people he didn’t like, it didn’t keep him from being unreliable…
Here’s the thing about honest people. Hell, here’s the thing about straight-up assholes as well: You know they mean what they say, and they’re highly unlikely to be caught sneaking around or manipulating people. No cryptic messages, no hidden agendas, no trying to keep people’s guards down, nothing. What they say and do is what there is, period. Even if they’re poor at getting their message across, you still can’t extrapolate ulterior meanings from anything they say or do. You ONLY get that from nice people.
Obviously, I’m not saying there’s no benefit to being nice. Some people truly are, in behavior and at their core, and those people are amazing. I, yes I, am very nice toward people I admire and/or deeply love. But that’s genuine, it’s not because that’s just what I do. When I’m nice, it’s because I’m driven to be in the moment; I don’t try to be, I just am. ‘Nice’ is never my default behavior – my default is responsive to whoever I’m around. I don’t bother unless I’m in a setting where I have to, and even then, I never try to 100% conceal what I’m really thinking.
All in all, if you’re someone who’s nice to everyone, just because, then my first impression of you will be not to trust you.