Usually, I don’t do 2nd parts to posts, but it occurred to me that my most recent post, Fake Victims, indeed needs a Pt. 2.
How can you be an even worse person than one who feigns victimhood? Being someone who actually maintains a victim mentality. This comes in several forms, such as believing one’s own lies, feeling sorry for one’s self on a daily basis, etc. Whatever form it comes in, it’s never beneficial to anyone, unless you are purposefully maintaining a victim mentality in order to manipulate the people around you.
At surface level, this may seem unfair. You may ask: If being a victim is subjective, how can anyone know for sure if they are one? What if somebody thinks they’re not, but they actually are? What if somebody thinks they are, when they’re not, but they’re they don’t believe it for any malicious reasons?
All of those questions are fair, but they’re the wrong questions. It’s having a victim mentality itself that is toxic. It’s the mentality itself that never has a good outcome. Whatever happens to you in life, whatever you may incorrectly think happened to you, or whatever you may want to believe for the sake of getting attention … nothing good comes from this kind of thinking.
It is the conscious, intentional effort to be weak and helpless.
I react in 1 of 2 ways whenever I know or believe I have been wronged: Either I try to learn from it, or I fight back. But, never do I choose to let it consume me. Sometimes, I really can’t help it, but it’s never a choice. I’m more emotional than most people know. But even when I’m consumed with despair and pain, I don’t try to make it the problem of someone uninvolved. The most I’ll do is call someone and say I just need to pour my heart out to them. But usually, I both try to learn something and I fight back.
There’s something I’ve noticed females do whenever they’re not feeling too grand, and I noticed this after growing up primarily with female friends, and having a sister. I’ve noticed that when females are feeling negative emotions of any kind … they only make those feelings worse, and they do this by telling each other nothing is their fault and trying to bolster their ego.
“You don’t deserve this!”
“You did nothing wrong!
“You’re better than them! Just wait … they’ll see how much better you are!”
“You are so strong, and brave, and good, and beautiful, and if people can’t see that, well, then they’re stupid!”
Okay, that’s really not healthy. Not at all. Nobody in their right mind raises a child to believe they are flawless and that all their problems are somehow everybody else’s fault … so, why do females do it with each other?
What IF it actually is her fault? What IF she actually is a terrible human being? What IF she’s actually not pretty? What IF she’s actually not brave, or smart, or careful? If so, you have now lied to them and are trying to make them believe something that will only make their current problem continue. To cure an illness, you address the source, not the symptoms. People don’t improve when nobody is honest with them.
Feeling like shit is the best way to prevent ourselves from repeating past mistakes. But before I lose track of the meaning of this post, I’ll leave it there. Point is, pandering to someone’s feelings regardless of the situation only perpetuates victim mentalities, and perpetuating victim mentalities only makes people more and more oblivious to what’s wrong with them. And the more someone is oblivious to their own faults, the worse of a person they ultimately become (also more careless, shortsighted, etc., etc.). You can’t fix anything by never fixing it.
In absolutely no way am I insinuating that nobody is ever a victim. People certainly, certainly can be. What I’m saying is: Never think of it that way. Ask yourself if it’s your fault, or which parts could be. Ask yourself what the wisest course of action going forward is. Ask yourself if you might be taking it harder than you should be.
There are a variety of ways to think about our unfortunate circumstances. Learning from them, using them to grow stronger, becoming wiser from them, or just plain and simple forgiveness. Regardless what the best course of action is, what is never the best course is wallowing in self-pity and waiting for everyone around you to deal with it for you.
It’s this mentality that largely motivates people to fake victimhood in the first place. Either they are a truly evil person, or they’ve been so coddled throughout life by their friends and/or family that they have no conception of the weight of their actions.
And certainly don’t ignore the chance that your perceived wrongs are actually just in your head. Maybe the reason you’re poor is because you make stupid decisions and them blame everybody else for them (as one example). I sure know I make stupid decisions, like marrying someone who doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘commitment,’ or ‘altruism.’
Thinking of yourself as a victim helps absolutely nothing (at least in any benevolent way). I cannot stress that enough.