There’s a kind of behavior I’ve recently come to realize is more than disgusting, more than repulsive – it’s actually evil. This behavior is fake victimhood. I’m not only talking about ‘victims’ of disasters or some kind of abuse, I mean victims defined as ‘anyone in desperate need of help.’ I’ve always thought fake victimhood was evil in certain situations, but now I’ve come to realize it’s evil regardless of its use.
When you pretend to be a victim, you are reducing the help that can be provided to real victims, in every way.
My job has made me far more skeptical of people that appear to be in need. This one woman looked like she desperately needed help, but it was just an act. I resent that kind of shit. I shouldn’t be skeptical if I see people in need, at all.
When I was a child, I asked my foster parents why we didn’t stop and give money to everyone on the side of the road begging for it. They said it’s because they don’t have an infinite amount of money, and because most beggars will just use that money to buy beer anyway. This was the beginning of my learning that compassion isn’t the be-all, end-all of the world’s problems like I wish it was. When I got older, I learned that many beggars aren’t even homeless, they just put on an act because it’s well-paying easy money.
When I was 21, two of my friends fell victim to drug abuse after a friend whom we were close to died in a car crash. For six months, I saw this world – the world of drug abuse – and I learned a great deal from it. Similar to what I learned about beggars, I learned that many people in the world of drug abusers don’t care to improve themselves because there are so many perks to being in need. Many of these people are truly in need, but not for genuine reasons. There’s Section 8, there’s food stamps, there’s social security, there’s cheaper bus passes, etc., and above all, there’s still the feeling of getting high. It blew my mind to learn that not everyone with a horrible addiction sees their addiction as worth kicking. I was the one friend these two had who wasn’t a junkie, or even a smoker or a drinker, who could truly help them escape these problems (and that world in general), but in the end, I learned the hard way that they didn’t really want to escape that life.
Tax payers – people who work for a living, and work hard – are the ones paying for these programs. It has to come from somewhere. And I learned firsthand that so many people using these programs don’t really need to; they do it because they can.
When you pretend, in some way or another, to be a victim when you’re not, or when you have the power to improve yourself but choose not to, you are lessening the help true victims could receive. You are lessening everything. You make people who’d otherwise be willing to do everything they can to help … not want to as much. What a shame, and what a tragedy, when one has to replace much of their compassion with skepticism instead. I guess it doesn’t lessen compassion as much as it blocks a lot of it. I’d give money to every beggar I see, if I was certain it would help them, and especially if I could be certain they need that money in the first place.
Fake victimhood comes in other forms as well. I was personally affected by one recently. Fake victimhood can also come in the form of hostility and antagonization. Basically, using people’s compassion and sympathy as a weapon. Pretending to be a victim to destroy lives. It’s, “Poor me, poor me, now do everything I want and don’t ask questions.”
During my recent divorce, my ex-wife took things as far as she possibly could, despite having almost no reason to take things to any length. A case that could have and should have ended shortly after it started, where we both agree to terms and then go our separate ways. A peaceful and (above all) fair separation was apparently unthinkable because my ex wanted to take, take, take. Since I didn’t lay on my back and just let her, she took the case all the way to trial nearly a year later. But she didn’t have anything legitimate to use against me, which is why the word ‘abuse’ suddenly started getting thrown around when it never had before. “Abuse” and “gaslighting,” which I had never heard of before. I was not an abusive husband or father, I’ve never been abusive toward anyone. However, when selfish people know they have nothing, they of course resort to whatever lie they think everybody will buy. What’s the most common lie people tell? That they’re a victim.
I have recordings that I made in secret at my apartment back in the early days of my wife and I separating. I’d already heard many stories of women making false accusations to win custody cases, and at that point, I still wasn’t sure if my wife would stoop that low, but I didn’t want to take any chances. When I listen to these recordings, not once – I mean NOT ONCE – does she ever make mention of anything to do with abuse. There never was any, so of course she wouldn’t, but back in those early days, my ex didn’t speak of anything related to abuse. Nothing that she even perceived as abuse. I’m so glad I recorded her explaining her reasoning for seeking divorce (which I think was a lie, but still), because her explanation was actually quite docile. She said our relationship just can’t work, and she was very calm when she said it, actually. Oh! It just hit me: The fact that my ex was even sitting in my apartment alone with me in the first place! During our trial, she tried to make it sound like she has PTSD and that she’s been too afraid to be near me since she left me. Those audio recordings alone would have proven she lied about being too afraid to be near me … and I didn’t even realize it until now. Damn, I could have actually proven what a liar she is… But I guess it doesn’t really matter because the judge found her to be a liar anyway, simply based on the fact my ex had 0 evidence I was abusive. (Seriously, none. She brought nothing at all into court with her. No documents, no recordings, nothing.)
Playing victim is such a common tactic by women because everyone knows it’s the one lie that is taboo to question. Think about it: When somebody, particularly a woman, says they are a victim of this person or that person, if you question the claim, they will make you feel bad for not taking such a serious thing, well, seriously. It’s the lie that automatically bypasses skepticism. Women play victim so much because they know this. If they put on a performance well enough, nobody will bother looking for evidence, or express doubt if they have any, and they can skip right to the outcome they desire. It’s the equivalent of men using their size and strength to force outcomes they want. Real women don’t play victim, the same way a real man doesn’t harm anyone for no legitimate, justifiable reason.
One of the many, many things that angers me about my ex-wife making so many false accusations about me is the fact that it’s yet another situation where a fake victim robs true victims of help. People shouldn’t have to be skeptical when they hear troubling stories, or see someone who appears to be in need right before their very eyes. Skepticism shouldn’t be anyone’s first thought, and yet, fake victimhood is so unbelievably common now, people everywhere are starting to lean more and more toward disbelief, rather than belief, when it comes to these kinds of things. During court, one of the things going through my mind while I had to sit there listening to my ex’s lies was: Now our courts are going to be less likely to believe the next person…
This is why fake victimhood is evil. Not just in specific situations, but always.
It makes real victims less likely to be believed at all. It makes real victims less likely to receive help. It makes real victims less likely to be taken seriously in general. It also subtracts from the kind of help, and the amount of help, real victims can receive when fake victims are sucking the well dry.
Fake victims are societal parasites. And these people tend to be parasites in many other ways too.
My ex-wife knew she had no legitimate reason to take my child from me; to deprive our daughter for the most part of having a strong, healthy, consistent relationship with her father; to deprive me of being present for 86% of our daughter’s childhood. Since she knew she had no good reason to do something so evil, she knew she had no choice but to cheat her way to that outcome. She knew the only way not to show her true colors to the judge (and to her friends/family) was to try to flip it around and say, “No, HE is the evil one, you see!” Our judge had our text messages in front of her during the entire trial, and it was ME and my lawyer who were inviting everybody to read them the whole time. In person, and in those text messages, I repeatedly told my ex that we both did things incorrectly and imperfectly in our marriage, and that we both should strive for a fair outcome with our divorce … and my ex tried to shut that down, or outright ignore it, every single time. This is probably what truly proved it to our judge that my ex had despicable intentions.
I’ll never forget what happened to Bret Kavanaugh. A guy I didn’t like, nor wanted to be on the Supreme Court, and yet I felt morally obligated to defend him because he was senselessly accused of one of the most evil acts a person can commit. Forget the logic that Kavanaugh had been a public servant for decades and his accuser only suddenly after 35 years decided to speak up. Not only was there no evidence that he committed what he was accused of, but his accuser’s own friends came forward and said it didn’t happen at all. They said it wasn’t Kavanaugh, it wasn’t anybody, and in fact, that party never even took place. But did any of this stop countless, countless lunatics from demanding Kavanaugh get punished? No. The only basis for evidence those people cared about was that his accuser was crying when she told her story. Anybody can make up a story. Anybody can fake cry. I myself learned how to fake cry at a young age. It’s really easy to make yourself cry on cue. So, why do people suddenly forget this fact when it comes to extremely serious accusations? The Bret Kavanaugh situation made the entire country a lot more skeptical for future situations when a public servant is accused of rape, because of the liar who started that mess. See? It only makes things worse for people who truly need justice.
Fake victims make real victims have to suffer more than they already have.