I’m encouraged by something that’s been happening recently. The only sites I post to are WordPress (here), Facebook, and Instagram. Only my Instagram has remained stagnant, as far as gaining followers goes. (Not surprised, IG is really just for “models” and photography.) What I’m encouraged by is my Thinking Michael followers increasing on Facebook without me attempting at all to promote myself on the site, or using hashtags. Thinking Michael does have a YouTube, but I only post to that thing maybe once a year (despite my wanting to do better), and yet I still have something like 11 subscribers there somehow.
WordPress here is where my largest following is, by far. A couple hundred, last I checked. And WordPress doesn’t exactly get the greatest internet traffic.
All of this is making me think something. Of course, I could be mistaken here, but… Maybe the things I have to say are more interesting, or possibly valuable, than I’ve always thought.
It goes deeper than that. I’ve learned something important recently: The one common thread with all successful people – regardless where they started from – the one thing they all have in common with each other is perseverance. Situations differ, and some certainly have advantages that others don’t, but it doesn’t change the fact that trying as much and as hard as you can will make you succeed, if you are destined to succeed.
Which is where my Achilles Heel comes in. My weakness. My demon. My soft spot. That is: Easily feeling hopeless. Some people call it existential crises. I often, far too often, feel like whatever I try, whatever I’m currently doing, it’s not going to be worth a damn to anyone. It’s constant, chronic pessimism about my own abilities and importance. It’s part of what gives me the power to be so honest with people all the time. I figure, “What do I have to lose by telling the truth?” It’s part of the reason it took me until my late 20s to become a father when I have wanted to be one since I was a child. Something will go wrong, I won’t be any good, there’s something better I should commit to instead, etc., etc. These are the thoughts that go through my mind every single day about nearly every single thing. It baffles me that people think I’m confident, or even arrogant… I think, Please, you have no idea what I think of myself … clearly.
Late in 2018, I told my audience I’d start making videos in 2019. That didn’t come to pass. I wanted to revamp ThinkingMichael.com … that pretty much didn’t happen, either. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just never think it’s worthwhile. I feel this way about everything I do. It’s why I never went far out of my way to advertise my books. It’s why I haven’t done a lot of things.
I think it’s time to persevere. It’s time to put myself out there. Actually grow and extend ThinkingMichael.com. Actually write my books (and write the hell out of them). Will it happen anytime soon, or at all? I don’t know. My mind has changed, some, but my weaknesses are still my weaknesses. I’ll try.