I didn’t want to write this post, but here it is. I will be specifically talking about adult women in this article.
I’m going to start by saying this is not a blog for anybody, liberal or conservative, male or female, old or young, to solely hear things they already believe. I resent echo chambers and the people who seek them. This is a blog for thinkers. It is meant to make you think and thus improve yourself. Sometimes, it helps me improve myself as well. I have written many articles that I never published because right in the middle of them, I realized I was incorrect, or I realized it would help absolutely no one to read it. This blog is NOT a place for your feelings. I am not a charismatic preacher or politician, I’m just a guy who thinks and has opinions, and really wishes others would do more thinking. If you want to discuss facts, logic, or even debate opinions, this is the blog for you. If you simply feel things and need those feelings justified and reinforced, go to another site.
Being intelligent and/or being someone who takes facts more seriously than feelings, does not mean you are unfeeling. Ben Shapiro is accused of this frequently. In fact, I’ve never met an intelligent person who was apathetic. In middle school, I was friends with a very intelligent guy who happened to cry more than anyone else in the class. As for me, I still find myself crying occasionally about a variety of things. I mean, when my daughter was getting professional pictures taken for her first birthday, she cried when I stepped away so that the photographer could get some portraits … and seeing her cry made me want to as well. It was just pictures. When I looked at the pictures sometime later, it made me want to cry all over again.
It’s a stupid notion that being intelligent, or opinionated, or just simply mentally stable, means you are unfeeling. It’s stupid and I’d love to see it go. I can promise you – promise you – that any person who seems unfeeling and yet frequently expresses themselves in some way or another, is always someone with a lot of feelings. Always.
Why do I bring this up? I bring this up because lately I have been accused either online or through ‘the grapevine’ that I have been insensitive toward my ex-wife. This bothers me immensely. Why? Because when our relationship was falling apart, I was the only one who was being sensitive, who was trying to make things work. I was the one who paid for counseling, I was the one who consciously tried to talk and discuss and negotiate so that things wouldn’t get ugly. So, when I say (in previous posts) that my ex-wife was really not interested in being civil, I really mean she was not interested in being civil. I thus did what I had to: I closed off my heart. It’s impossible to continue to have patience with someone who has no desire to play fair. And for the record, I STILL try to encourage civility and cooperation, and still to no avail. My bargain with her was, “Let’s continue to be civil, and let’s raise our child equally as she grows up.” Want to know what her bargain was? Her bargain was, “We will only have peace once I have everything I want.” (Not a direct quote with either of those.)
And yet I’m the insensitive one??
To those who know me and my ex-wife personally who have barked at me from afar, there is something you really need to know: She is not the person you think she is. She is not an innocent little princess. I knew her more intimately than any of you. (We kind of made a person together.) I know things you’d never guess or assume about her. Here’s an example: The guy she was with before me… She went from being in a relationship with him, to being with me, in just one week. One. She dumped him then went to live with me the very next day (which, yes, was naïve on both our parts). The only reason it took a week for us to start being intimate was because I chose to have restraint. And she didn’t leave her boyfriend in the most gentle, civil way, either. In fact, the guy called me – yes, her ex-boyfriend called me, of all people – asking me why she was so cold. They had spent 4 years of their lives together, even going behind their families’ backs to do so. They lived together. And no, this guy was not mean, or even strong-willed; he was a very kind person (almost too kind). When he asked me, almost in tears, why she was so cold, the best I could tell him was, “I don’t know.” And I told her, outright, that I found the way she left him wrong (and disturbing). This story barely scratches the surface of things I could name that she’s done. I could name a BIG one that happened that same month – the first month of our relationship. Will she ever admit these things on her own to her friends and family? No, not even a little, and even if she did, she’d sugarcoat the hell out of those stories to make herself look as innocent as possible.
Stop barking at me from afar. Know your facts first. I don’t claim to be an angel, but I do claim to have standards. My pointing out the things she has done, and will continue to do, is truthful, not insensitive. They are true things that I don’t want to be true. I don’t want any of what’s going on, but it’s being forced on me.
One of these people who have barked at me sent me a text graphic saying something about why men can’t ever make women cry…
Any concern about the fact she’s made me cry a lot, too? Any concern about the fact she broke my heart as well? Any concern that she broke my heart first? Of course not, because I was born with the wrong genitals, and I’m also not part of your tribe. So, screw the facts and screw nuance, right? I’m the bad guy just because.
I’m a liberal. A staunch liberal. I devoutly believe that all people should be treated equally and fairly. This is exactly the reason it disturbs me, and admittedly even angers me, why you can find text graphics all over the internet about all the things people ought to do for women only. Only women. Only ever women. How many posts will you ever find about how men should be treated with love, too? I’ve been using the internet my entire life, and I still haven’t found a single one. That’s not equality. That’s demanding superiority through whining.
Women… You have it so good and yet you still find things to complain about. Why doesn’t society – including men and women both – ever, ever, encourage you to have standards as well? What is ever expected of you, except for the occasional, ‘Try not to sleep with too many people.” ?
Years ago, when I was with a different ex, we were at her family’s house in the country. One of her cousins, I think, was getting assaulted by his girlfriend. She wasn’t just trying to slap him, she was actually trying to beat him by any means available. He let her do it for a few moments, but then he decided to defend himself. He didn’t strike her back, he just simply tried to restrain her. Guess what happened? A multitude of their neighbors, all men, came running and nearly, just nearly, started to beat him to the ground. They threatened to. And why? Simply because some guy just wanted to not get beat up by his girlfriend.
Even when it comes to violence, nothing is expected of women; only men. Women can go on and do it, no problem, and if a man tries to defend himself, he’ll be lucky if he doesn’t have to spend that night in a hospital or jail cell.
As I said in a previous post, all women have to do is tell a good sob story and they get their way. That’s it. That’s all they have to do. Hell, sometimes they don’t even have to do that much. No matter what, everybody, and I do mean everybody, comes to their rescue. Nobody ever doubts the story, and sometimes people don’t even care to hear a story at all. But if she tells a sob story, it MUST be true and one-sided in her favor, because nobody could ever tell a sob story if it weren’t true, right? Nobody on Earth has ever told a sad story that wasn’t true … right? What would someone ever possibly have to gain by saying, “Poor me, poor me, that guy is such a bad person for making me feel this way.” ?
Look, I’m no stranger to complaining. It’s almost completely what I do on this blog. I complain about the radical Left, and I complain about religion, and only sometimes I talk about my novels. I’m not at all saying it’s wrong or something to tell people how you feel let down by the world. That’s fine. In fact, I encourage it. Communicating your feelings is always better than bottling them up. But do not manipulate the feelings of others to gain even more ground than you already have. Do not do it as a power play. Above all, do not fill your stories with lies. That’s repulsive.
I wrote a post about exes, where I talked about my first love, Lisa, and I purposefully included the fact that I greatly admired Lisa’s ability to recognize her own flaws. I still admire that, immensely. Part of the reason I still admire that is because I’ve never seen it in a girl my age since. Lisa had the decency to say (non-verbatim), “What I’m doing is really messed up. You don’t deserve this.” That is incredibly respectable.
Nobody has accused me (yet) of being a sexist. Well, before they do, I’m going to dispel that myth. I like women. I like women very much, in fact. But one thing I will never do, for as long as I live, is think of women as perfect angels, simply because they were born female. And also, I’m sorry, I will also never think of women (in Western nations) as some kind of oppressed class. Women, here you can get away with almost anything you want, with ease, especially if you’re young, especially if you’re good-looking, and especially if you have a huge rack. I’ve been seeing this the past few days alone. Nobody ever questions what you do or say, simply because of your gender, and especially if they were already part of your ‘tribe.’
I strongly believe we need standards in our society for both men and women. But, it’s only men right now. We tell men to ‘be a real man’ but we never expect women to act like a real woman. They don’t have to know anything, or be responsible, or breadwinners, or guardians, or even tell the truth. If on the rare occasion things are expected of women, they are given MUCH more leniency than men get. Yeah, I’m not a fan of that, and I don’t apologize for it. Men and women are both human, self-serving and imperfect. Being female does not automatically mean you are angelic or a victim.
My ex-wife removed a woman in my life from all of her social media. That offended the hell out of me, because that woman truly is a great person and doesn’t deserve rejection. Sure, I’m the ex and thus I deserved to be removed, but kicking her out of your life as well?? Wow. I mean wow. (Technically, it was her and her husband’s joint accounts, but still.)
So, no, my wanting women to be held to certain standards does not make me sexist. In fact, I think it’s sexist to expect very little of women. The soft bigotry of low-expectations, as they say. I know many women who I’d be tempted to call near-perfect angels. Women who I have a hard time seeing any flaws in at all. Sure, they’re all much older than me and their maturity probably came with age, but it’s applicable nonetheless. I hold all other females I know to the standard of these amazing women. Real women.