This will likely be my last (public) post relating to what is currently going on in my personal life. Before long I will post the full story of what happened the past half-year, but that will be for supporters of my work only. As always, I try to make each post something that could possibly be of value to people reading it whom I’ve never met. I suppose this is what it will all come down to; what I explain here and now.
Despair is the most difficult thing to live with. What’s even worse is when people you’ve never wronged decide to take sides against you as if you have wronged them. Everyone takes sides in these kinds of situations. Granted, some people I thought would never stand by my side, have. Regardless, I hate that I’m in a situation where there are any ‘sides’ at all. I don’t want people to take my side any more than I want them to stand opposite. I believe all people should stand with their principles first, and people second. This situation should have started and ended already, with a simple discussion and negotiation deciding everything. This is what I offered, but since I’m dealing with someone who wants as much as they can take, of course that offer was rejected outright.
If I were dealing with someone who were even capable of mature discussion or compromise, my relationship with them would never have fallen apart in the first place. Miscommunication is the deadliest disease for every type of relationship, and it only takes one infected person to destroy a relationship.
I’ve been professionally advised of what I’ve been saying all along: that I’m going to lose. In their own words, the law is indeed unfair, but that’s the way it is. However, they have also said something else, and so have multiple others now, including but not solely a member of my ex-wife’s own family (one of the very few pleasant members). What these people keep telling me is: These kinds of court decisions are never permanent. This got me thinking…
Perhaps I shouldn’t be consumed by so much despair. There is hope, in a way. I can keep trying. I can keep fighting. And even if I lose every battle, in the end, my daughter will see, beyond any doubt in her mind, that her father never stopped trying. She will know that I never stopped trying to just simply be her father. She’ll see that I fought and fought to be more than just a visitor, like her mother has already begun to try to turn me into. Something I have noticed about children, and even teens: Even when someone can’t do enough, it means the world to them if someone simply tries and never gives up, especially their parent. If a true, whole, and complete relationship is impossible because someone wants to stand in the way, simply never giving up will suffice.
In fact, it could possibly mean the most to them. What could be a more constant, powerful display of unconditional love, devotion, and loyalty than never giving up? A parent’s love is often taken for granted, unless tremendous struggle comes. Every time (literally) that I have encouraged my ex-wife to simply have a discussion about this matter, her response is either no response at all, or she says, “Because I said so.” But my daughter won’t hear that from me, ever. I will not be dictatorial, saying things like, “Because I said so.” I will be a teacher. And even better, she will see that I have spent years and years fighting our biased laws and her mother simply to have fair parentage of her. Meaning, my daughter will likely not take my devotion for granted because I will treat her fairly and like an equal as much as I can, in addition to seeing how hard I’ve been trying to simply be her father at all.
Who knows? Maybe the fight won’t be as difficult as I expect. Based on what people have told me, judges see a lot of cases, and they see the worst of the worst. Based on what people say to make me feel better (and I can’t help but logically agree), I have a long list of things that will work in my favor down the road. I am not, nor ever have been a smoker, a drinker, a drug addict, unhealthy, unmotivated, broke, or reckless, and I don’t have a criminal record, poor hygiene or behavioral issues such as a temper. Okay, I have been broke before, but I’m certainly not now. I’m not perfect and I have made mistakes, but I always learn and try to improve myself, as anyone who has read the past 3½ years of this blog should know.
As biased as the system is, at the very least, I know they won’t be able to look at me and think I’m a walking disaster. Judges see parents who are junkies all the time, they see deadbeat parents all the time, they see parents who abuse their children all the time, they see parents who get drunk or high instead of watching over their child, they see criminal parents all the time… They’re not going to see any of that with me; not even close.
My daughter won’t be the only one seeing persistence throughout the years to come. And yes, this will undoubtedly last for years. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m still fighting to have fair rights with my child when she’s 10, or even a teenager. But regardless, my daughter will see me try and try for years to come, and the courts will see it as well. That, too, will inevitably count for something.
Never give up on loved ones. Never. No matter who stands in your way, never give up. You may lose many battles, but you will be the victor in the end. Effort always means the world, even if it’s all you are permitted to do.