I Hate Pets

I hate pets. I don’t mean that in a personal way, like I hate them because they’re annoying or something. No, I hate pets on an objective basis. The concept of owning pets at all is offensive to me, except when it comes to cats.

“Well, duh, cats are your favorite. Of course you’re okay with them being pets,” I can hear all of you saying already.

I don’t have a problem with cats being pets because they’re the only pet (I can think of) that is allowed to be free. Cats can go outside, do whatever the hell they want, and come home when they feel like it. Name one common pet that is also allowed to do that. Iguanas? Snakes? Rabbits? Chickens? Fish? Dogs? Nope.

I hate pets in general for the sole reason that they are not allowed to be free. Owning pets is a type of animal prison.

Mother nature/evolution didn’t design these animals to be dependent on people to survive. If you did try to treat your rabbit or iguana the same way people treat their cats, the animal would either die because its instincts have been stifled to death, or you don’t live anywhere near its natural habitat, or it would roam free, and then, boo-hoo, you don’t have a pet anymore. How tragic.

Would a dog survive on its own? I’m not so sure. And here’s where the feature presentation begins. (Oh, you thought I made my point already? No, that was just a warmup.)

Humans bred dogs to be pets. To be overly attached to humans, to be “cute” (I use that word very loosely), and to be pathetic so that they need humans to survive. And by all that, what I actually mean is we manipulated the shit out of their gene pool until they became a variety of abominations that couldn’t possibly survive in the wild on their own, all for the sake of having something around the house that we call ‘cute.’

Chihuahuas, beagles, pugs, bulldogs, pit bulls, poodles, golden retrievers, Australian Shepherds, cocker spaniels, Yorkshire Fucking Terriers, and now we’re even adding FOXES to the mix?

Want to know where dog breeds come from? Inbreeding. Lots and lots of inbreeding. Hell, that’s what you have to do when you want specific traits to remain in the gene pool. After all, the more distantly-related the stud, the less likely said stud will have the traits you want. Thanks to all this inbreeding, dogs have (well-known) birth defects. But hey, at least they can fit in a fucking purse.

Digital StillCamera
Awwwww wook at doze cute wittle inbred eyes

For more details on the cruel shit we did to dogs to get ‘breeds,’ watch the Adam Ruins Everything episode explaining it.

I don’t even like dogs, and even I find it abhorrent what we have done, and what we keep doing, to them. We buy them in a store like a new TV, just to keep them in the house except for an occasional walk in the park, and force them to eat nothing but factory-processed garbage (and our own scraps, like rodents). And it’s all for the sake of: “Who’s a good boy? You are! Yes you are! You’re such a good boy, yes you are!”


You know, as much as I love cats and don’t like dogs (even if they weren’t inbred man-made creations), my favorite pet ever was a dog named Jasper. He was stupid and a little fat, but he was my buddy. I didn’t treat him like some pet, though. I genuinely loved that dog. I went on walks with him every night, because I enjoyed his company far more than my parents’. I gave him hugs, I talked to him even though he couldn’t understand me… I treated Jasper like a person. I grew up with him, from when I was 10, until I moved out at 19. He was put down on my 21st birthday, which only added to the long list of reasons I can’t stand my parents. Jasper was an Australian Shepherd with lifelong hip dysplasia and misshaped irises that were different colors (light-brown and blue). Living with Jasper so long, I knew there was something just plain wrong about Australian Shepherds. What I just described is actually common with Aussies, which is fucked up.

I don’t hate animals. I don’t hate animals even if they’re pets. In many ways, I love animals more than my own species. But, it’s not any animal’s fault that they are a pet. It’s people that do this. It’s people who invented the concept of ‘pets,’ and that is what I am voicing my disgust for.

In addition to everything I’ve said so far, I can’t ignore the personal aspect to these feelings of mine involving pets. They’re just annoying. Dogs, the most common pet, bark at the slightest sounds, are far too needy, shed everywhere, stink, require constant attention, and I could go on. Cats are better not only because they’re independent, but also because they’re quiet and low-maintenance.

Don’t get a pet, get a child. Give birth or adopt. At least parenting involves preparing for when your child leaves the house. Having a pet is just a prison until the animal fucking dies.


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