Only Stupid People Will See Episode IX

When The Force Awakens came out, both fans and critics tried their hardest to justify the fact it’s a ripoff of the first Star Wars movie. In fact, people are still doing that. I’ll admit I was one of these people. The movie wasn’t awful, even if it was completely unoriginal and had huge gaps in logic. When Rogue One came out, people were generally accepting of it, including myself. But I was still weighing my faith in the franchise’s future on the quality of Episode VII.

And of course, when The Last Jedi came out, it ultimately ended up being a giant pile of garbage in every way imaginable. I’ve never left a theater despising and resenting the movie I just saw so much.

Did Kathleen Kennedy, the person in charge of these movies, realize her faults? Nope, she doubled down and has made it abundantly clear she won’t change a thing. The movies will still be pumped out like a factory assembly line every single year from now until the end of time, and they will be full of Progressive, Social Justice Warrior bullshit. Oh, and they won’t be original. Yep, every movie will be a reference to the original trilogy.

At this point, I don’t want to call these movies by their actual names, but rather by their assembly line number. For instance, The Force Awakens was actually Original Trilogy Reference #1. And then Rogue One was: Original Trilogy Reference #2. What are we on now? Original Trilogy Reference #4? Wow… We’re already on #4. That’s truly amazing.

Even though the Han Solo movie (Original Trilogy Reference #4) was the first Star Wars movie to bomb, they’re still going to make a trilogy from it. Oh, and they’re making a Boba Fett movie, and a Darth Maul movie. Oh my god! I stand corrected! If Darth Maul gets his own movie, then Disney is going to make a PREQUEL trilogy reference! Breaking new ground there, Disney! Very original!

 So, given the fact that Disney and Lucasfilm have outright admitted that Star Wars is no longer the modern mythology we all used to love, and that it’s just going to be regurgitating the same content forever, like vomiting food, and then eating that vomit, and then vomiting that same vomit over and over again…, why the hell would anyone go see Episode IX? You know people will. Yes, there are still people who think there’s hope for Star Wars. There are still people who think that these companies will take any serious risk and try something …. original.

And no, there was NOTHING original or risky in The Last Jedi. Just because they repeated the ending of Return of the Jedi a whole movie early, that doesn’t mean it was a risk. How anybody thinks the killing of Snoke was a risk BLOWS my mind.

Anyway… Not to mention, Kathleen Kennedy admitted that they didn’t plan where the new trilogy is even going. So, on top of all the bullshit they’ve already done, and all the bullshit they’ve admitted they’re going to do in the future, we also know that there was never a plan to begin with. Disney and Kennedy are giving all of us the finger, and they think we’re stupid enough to keep throwing our money at them for it. The sad fact is, they’re right. At least, to a degree.

“But J.J. Abrams said that Episode IX will bring together all three trilogies…”

What does that even mean? We find out that Snoke was Mace Windu? We find out that Rey is Qui-Gon Jinn? Or maybe Hayden Christensen will make a cameo appearance as the young Anakin Skywalker. Oh my god I don’t care!

References references references! That’s all Disney and Kathleen Kennedy know how to do. It’s all they’re ever going to allow their directors and writers to do.

If you love Star Wars like I do, then end this abusive relationship we’ve been forced into with Disney. You know what they’re going to do next year, and the year after that, and the year after that. You know this is going nowhere, and you know they don’t care. Do yourself a favor, and do our beloved franchise a favor:

Don’t see Episode IX. Don’t see Episodes X-XII (which you know are coming). Don’t see Episodes XIII-MM. Stop watching these movies. Boycott until Disney sells the franchise to a different company. If that never happens, then fine. We still have the original trilogy, and we still have the Lucasarts video games of the past. We got to have a healthy, happy relationship with Star Wars before it was butchered.

Remember what it used to be and stop hoping it’ll get better. You know it won’t.


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