Review (Sort Of) | Avengers: Infinity War

I haven’t seen Infinity War yet, but I will. I intend to see Avengers: Infinity War in theaters, but it’s not because I’m intrigued as to what will happen. I’m not intrigued, because I know it’ll just be another Marvel movie that sets up the next film, which will just set up the next film, which will just set up the next film.

No, I will see the movie just to give a satisfying goodbye to superhero movies in general, including and especially the Marvel movies. Just like how The Last Jedi was my goodbye to Star Wars movies. Granted, I will still see Deadpool 2, but only because Deadpool is not a superhero, he’s just an entertaining super-clown. In October, I will see Venom as well, but only if it’s good (because with Sony, you can always expect garbage).

10 years of setting up this one movie. Of course my curiosity will be sparked. Plus, it involves the destruction of the entire universe. There’s literally no going up from there. No plot of any movie could possible have more stakes than that. So, I will see Infinity War to see if 10 years of build up made Disney do anything different. Even if it turns out to be amazing, which I so strongly doubt, it will still be my last superhero movie. It is my goodbye to them all.

Goodbye to the ‘villain of the week’ format.
Goodbye to nothing ever being at stake.
Goodbye to no main characters ever dying.
Goodbye to stupid gags and quips every two minutes.
Goodbye to predictable plots.
Goodbye to contrived plots.
Goodbye to laughably-unrealistic violence.
Goodbye to lousy acting.
Goodbye to unrealistic dialogue (including never saying swear words).
Goodbye to movies just being trailers for the sequels.
Goodbye to safe, no-risk movies.
Goodbye to unoriginal movies.
Goodbye to allowing Disney to print their own money at this point.

Apparently there will be another Avengers movie next year. Yep, another one in just one fucking year…. Disney says it won’t be a ‘part 2’ to Infinity War, but I highly doubt that. Whether it is or isn’t, I won’t care. Whether Infinity War is amazing, or a waste of time, I won’t care. Whether or not Infinity War actually does kill a few main characters, has blood and gore, bad language, not have a stupid joke every two minutes, etc., I still won’t care. I’m only seeing this movie because it’s where all of the 10,000 Marvel movies thus far have been leading up to.

Don’t expect a review after I see the movie. This is the closest I will get to reviewing it. Unless … the movie just blows me away with a 10/10 interesting premise, execution, visuals, and it is thought-provoking (which we all know is not going to happen).


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