Wonder Woman: The Greatest Bad Movie

Apologies for not releasing an article yesterday. Been busy with life. To help me be able to spend more time doing this, you can support my work here.

I like Ripley (Aliens), I like Samus Aran (Metroid), I like Cortana (Halo), and we all know that I like Erza Scarlet (Fairy Tail), but honestly, I’ve never liked Wonder Woman. Her character only exists because William Moulton Marston wanted to create a feminist icon. That’s fine and all, but being mechanically-engineered to be a symbol of empowerment takes away the very essence of being a symbol of empowerment. Wonder Woman is a demigod, nobody in real life is. She is immortal, and was literally born special. What real-life girl can relate to that?

At least the other female characters I listed have struggles and weaknesses. Take Cortana, for example. Cortana has always longed to be human; to be able to touch things and see things with real eyes.

In Halo 4, when Cortana is looking at an artificial sun, she says, “I can give you over 40,000 reasons why I know that sun isn’t real. But for all [I know about its technical aspects], I’ll never actually know if it looks real; if it feels real.” So, even Cortana, an artificial intelligence, is more relatable than Wonder Woman.

That being said, let’s get into the movie.

I liked this movie when I first saw it. The second time, not as much. I appreciate its message that everyone has good and evil inside of them. I appreciate that the movie doesn’t spend its runtime bashing men and claiming that women are absolutely perfect (basically SJW porn). I appreciate that it was its own movie, rather than just a giant advertisement for Justice League (like what Marvel does with all its movies). These things were consistent and never faltered, but that’s kind of where the good parts end.

The entire first 1/3 of the movie was damn near unbearable. The fake accents just to make Gal Gadot’s Israeli accent blend in; the terrible dialogue; the poorly-choreographed fight scenes; and the fact that Wonder Woman’s mentor who believed in her more than anyone, just happened to be the last person to die in that one battle, for dramatic effect.

Nobody made issue with how Wonder Woman is dressed. In the 1910s, her outfit would have been considered pornographic. It’s during a time when a woman showing her knees was indecent, and yet Diana always has her upper thighs exposed and nobody even notices? The filmmakers had an opportunity to have Diana show her empowered self and having her say she’ll wear whatever she wants since it doesn’t hurt anybody. Nope, they chose to completely gloss over the matter entirely.

The villains were confusing. It was easy to predict the German General wasn’t the main villain, but at the same time, Doctor Poison kept giving him something mystical to enhance his powers? Then when Ares reveals himself, he goes from being calm and collected, to screaming, “I will destroy you!” Seriously? From nuanced character to Saturday-morning cartoon bad guy in just five minutes?

Some of my issues with this movie are typical Hollywood problems, but they are still problems. It was a proper origin movie, where Wonder Woman learns what her purpose in life is, and develops the strength to live out that purpose. I liked Chris Pine in this movie tremendously, and appreciated his character’s utter devotion to his cause. I liked how close his team was to each other, and how they were all willing to sacrifice themselves for each other and their cause.

So, don’t get the impression I thought the movie sucked. It wasn’t horrible. I’d call it the best bad movie ever made. I liked the movie more than I’ve ever liked Wonder Woman herself.

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