Finally Happy

I’ve only been in one relationship that included fighting and arguing, and I’m glad those days are behind me. However, on the flip-side, I’ve only ever been in one relationship where I felt truly happy, at my innermost core, and that is the one I’m currently in – the one that I truly hope lasts until the day I die.

I’ve talked about my now-girlfriend even before we were together, during the days where I sadly thought I had no chance with her. So, I know I’ve talked about her in multiple articles I’ve written. Why, though? you are probably asking me in your head. Well, I’ll gladly explain. The reason may not be what you assume.

In the past, being in a committed relationship was really just about nothing more than liking a girl and being in her company. But none of them, and I literally mean none of them, had ever before made me happy.

One shouldn’t be in a relationship just to treat the symptoms of their loneliness. I’ve never been with someone for that reason, but I see it all the time in others – my friends, my family, and even acquaintances from what I could tell. As I said, in the past, I’ve liked a girl and I’d therefore want to be with her because I liked her. Like having a favorite food, eating it doesn’t necessarily make you happy, you just enjoy eating it. Relationships in the past were hardly different.

But take a look at some, or even ALL, of my blog articles, past and current. What do I talk about the most? I talk about how there is no god, I talk about the things in politics that make me angry, and I certainly talk about my experiences with other human beings that showed me how heinous we are as a species. Point is, I’ve never truly been happy; not since I realized how meaningless life is, how we as a species are going nowhere, and how the only thing that could make me happy and find meaning to life, which is other people, is also part of the problem. I never really thought happiness was something I could feel again, even if I found someone I thought was worth marrying.

In my previous relationship, that girlfriend was one of the most selfish and closed-minded people I’ve ever gotten to know; not to mention she was in her 40’s and still had no goals or ambitions with her life. She was incapable of growing as a person, or even doing something different with her time, so therefore we as a couple were incapable of going anywhere too.

In the relationship before that, that girlfriend knew I’d be loyal to her even if she paid little to no attention to me, or even cheated on me (both of which happened), and so she took advantage of my devotion to her. All until the day she no longer required my services and then took off.

Point is, I never expected to be with someone who was better than these examples. Because they were people, and people suck. Relatives, friends, girlfriends, doesn’t matter. I could write books about fucked up things my relatives have done to me, and friends. Everyone has always been the same, in my mind. People will always be people. And since we’re just atoms floating around in space, and the universe will continue long after I’m dead and care nothing about the fact I’m dead, I’ve always been pretty goddamn miserable deep inside.

So this is why it’s, to me, a big deal that I finally feel happy. It’s not about just having someone. I’ve had girls before. But I’ve never had anyone who actually was selfless, and completely committed, and desires for us to grow together.

Has it been perfect? No, of course not. We are both still people, and we’ve encountered obstacles. But when things get a little tough, there is no fight or argument, there is simply discussion. I can see it in her eyes that she cares so much, and that she is completely committed. She hasn’t done anything horrible, but sometimes when there’s a misstep, or a miscommunication, on either of our parts, I can see it in her eyes and her expression that she truly feels bad that something went wrong.

We grow together when things go well. When things go wrong, there isn’t a clash, there is still growth. And it’s not because that’s just the kind of person she is; she thinks of human beings in the same way that I do, for the most part. There are plenty of people she doesn’t like and plenty of people she really does clash with. Just like me.

To think…… So many times I nearly gave up on life itself. Had I, I would have missed the opportunity to truly learn from experience that….. not all people are bad. There is happiness to be found in the filth and meaninglessness of life.

I’ve been taking a break from blogging to finish my book Resurrection, and I will continue the hiatus. I just wanted to make this article because I was inspired to talk about this. The subject is a big deal to me. One of the most important things I could ever discuss.


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